Monkeywatch - October 2013

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to a new batch of boisterous bar banter.

 

A Thai TV soap opera very popular with local viewers has been censored after a group called ‘Muslims For Peace’ threatened to shoot the entire cast and burn the studio to the ground. It seems they were of the opinion that the show cast Muslims in a bad light. Glad they put the record straight.

 

A pub on third Road was burned to the ground the other week after a fire broke out in the storeroom. Police then arrested the owner for breach of a 30-day closure order, saying the place was no longer closed as it didn’t have a door…or walls…or a roof. Suppose they had a point.

 

A female Chinese tourist had a lucky escape a couple of weeks ago after falling through some unsafe railings and down a cliff at Pattaya Viewpoint. Her fall was fortuitously broken by a large pile of rubbish that had been dumped at the bottom of the cliff and she escaped with relatively minor injuries. The medics who attended the accident told her she was a very lucky woman, though she seemed unconvinced that falling through railings and plunging down a cliff into three tons of rotting garbage was a sign of good luck.

 

The Beach Road improvement scheme is still gathering pace. So now we have no seats, no grass, no shade...

 

 

and since the recent rainstorms, no beach. Going well, isn’t it?..

 

 

Some of the lighting towers also look like they might be heading for erectile dysfunction if repairs aren’t forthcoming pretty soon...

 

 

The jumping season is in full swing again, the latest being a Singaporean from a fifth floor hotel balcony. Holidaymakers are now being warned that the greatest danger they face on a visit to Pattaya is the prospect of being flattened by a plummeting tourist.

 

There was a bit of a stir in South Pattaya a few Thursdays ago when a naked drug-crazed black American quality tourist went berserk inside a 7-Eleven store. A female store assistant gave police a detailed description of the man, though she was unable to remember what his face looked like.

 

A German nutter had to be rescued from the Maprachan Reservoir a couple of weeks back when he went mountain biking in the area and got trapped in the mud. When asked by a reporter if he’d describe the man as a stick in the mud, a rescue worker said “No, I’d describe him as a stupid cunt”.

 

The Mini Moke, a 60s icon and star of the cult TV series “The Prisoner”, visited Pattaya last Friday prior to its relaunch in Thailand next year. The new model looks pretty much the same as the 60s version, though we are promised that it’ll have modern updates. No aircon, but it does have watercon. You just drive it in the rain...

 

 

Not much in the way of bar news this month. One closure to report, that of Byblos on Soi Diamond. It’s very quiet in the Walking Street bars right now, with some bar owners reporting their worst nights ever. The LK Metro area seems a little more buoyant, though the temporary closure of Champagne is no doubt giving the other bars a bit more custom. Xzone now has Pattaya singer Pleng performing there every Friday night, though her performance is unfortunately confined to singing. Perhaps she should try doing a few numbers on the gyno table so the punters could help her reach the high notes.

 

An East Pattaya fish shop owner had his chips when he was killed in his shop while hosing the place down after a hard day’s graft. It appears that he sprayed water into an electric socket, giving him a shock which rendered him unconscious. The electricity then heated up the water on the floor and he was poached to death. Silly bugger.

 

One of the Pattaya umbrella vendors has just bought herself a new car...

 

 

A Ukrainian bloke stumbled into Pattaya Police Station last week after escaping from a gang of Thai men who had claimed to be Pattaya Immigration Police. They said if he gave them one million baht they’d release him after a short time. Don’t blame him for doing a runner – even the Russian birds do a short time cheaper than that.

 

An elderly tourist from Malta has said he’ll never visit Pattaya again after being robbed by ladyboys on Beach Road in the early hours of the morning. Yes, that’s how you make a Maltese cross. A tourist board official said this was an unfortunate incident and if the man was serious about not returning to Pattaya then he could “go fuck himself”. He’ll probably have to if goes anywhere else. C’est la vie.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[MM 6,562]

Nice one!

[capdagde 1,954]

Pigeon: "Just a few more pecks and CONCREEEEEEEEEETE"

 

Looks like the Moke girl in the fish nets has aircon.....

 

 

Andy

[Bushcraft 2,579]

Brilliant mate, had me laughing.

[nkped 1,208]

A female Chinese tourist had a lucky escape a couple of weeks ago after falling through some unsafe railings and down a cliff at Pattaya Viewpoint. Her fall was fortuitously broken by a large pile of rubbish that had been dumped at the bottom of the cliff and she escaped with relatively minor injuries. The medics who attended the accident told her she was a very lucky woman, though she seemed unconvinced that falling through railings and plunging down a cliff into three tons of rotting garbage was a sign of good luck.

The defenestration of Pattaya?

[yogi100 1,925]

Some funny anecdotes there and perfectly true what you've said about Beach Rd.

[Patna 3,802]

Great thread!

[Fornicator 106]

This always brings smile on my face!

[teelack 9,639]

^{Really sad to read about the demise of Byblos. This place was IMHO the best in Pattaya some years ago and am sure there are some that will recall when it was on three floors and had possibly the raunchiest show in Pattaya. In addition to that they had a resident strong man that I got to know a bit and this was no act. He was as strong as an ox and neither tall or massive.}