The Pope

[DrPat 423]

The Pope was very ill, and nobody could cure him. The cardinals called in an old physician recommended to them. After an hour long examination, he comes up with a solution.

"I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news: The Pope has a rare testicular disorder. The good news: He can be cured.....by having sex."

The cardinals, not happy with the cure, explain the situation to the Pope.

"I'll agree to it," says the Pope." But under four conditions."

The cardinals were shocked." What are the four conditions?" asks one.

"First, the girl must be blind, so she cannot see with whom she is having sex.

Second, she must be deaf, so she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.

And third, she must be dumb, so if she somehow figures out with whom she is having sex, she can tell no one."



After a long pause, a cardinal asks, "And the fourth condition:"



"Big tits."

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

as old as the hills on grandmas chest but still humorous.

[DrPat 423]

as old as the hills on grandmas chest but still humorous.

 

It’s the way I tell them.

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

 

It’s the way I tell them.

ummm, if you were a ventriloquist I would tell ya I saw your lips moving!

 

[DrPat 423]

Sadly, that reminds me of another gag.

 

A Scottish gentleman and a Jewish gentleman go into a pub. They just get to the bar and the Scotsman says, “Put your money away – I’ll get these.”

 

Headline in the next day’s paper:

 

- Jewish Ventriloquist Found Dead Behind Pub -

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

that was pretty good

[teelack 9,645]

Good to see you back and in good form. Keep them coming.

[python 27]

Hi,

 

Did your hear about the priest who bought a Wi Gameboy on ebay?

 

He sent it back. It wasn't at all what he expected!

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

One day the Pope was walking down an Italian road when he spotted a black magic shop in an alleyway.

 

Curious, he decided to go inside and look around. As he approached the counter, the woman behind told him they were doing a special on Voodoo Dolls.

 

The Pope thought for a few moments and told the woman he would like to buy one. She then informed him he would need to get the hair of the person he would like the doll to represent. He plucked some hair from his head and handed it over the counter. "You want a doll of yourself?" she asked. The Pope nodded and soon left with his doll.

 

The next day the Pope was visiting the victim of abuse at one of his churches. Producing the doll he said to the child, "Show me on the doll where the naughty priest touched you."

 

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/sex-and-shit/paedophile/one-day-the-pope-was-walking-down-an-italian-road-1124715#ixzz37D7Sklic

[atlas2 4,329]

OK Pope Jokes……..

 

My Favourite…...

 

The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle in the Vatican. The Cardinals were lounging around…. Cardinal Sinn was leafing through 'Titbits'.

 

The Pope was stuck on the last word…… He was walking up and down alternately scratching his head under his zucchetto and sucking on his pencil. This went on for ten minutes until one of the cardinals asked what he was stuck on?

 

The Pope sighed and said, "Feminine term……..4 letters………ending in... U.N.T ??"

 

 

After a pause…………..

 

 

Cardinal Sinn looks up from his copy of 'Titbits' and says……"Aunt"

 

"Oh shit!" says the Pope, " Anyone got a rubber?"

Edited July 12, 2014 by atlas2

[jacko 8,822]

I doubt the pope would ever use a rubber!

[atlas2 4,329]

I doubt the pope would ever use a rubber!

 

 

The catholic church has banned erasers now??

[jacko 8,822]

 

 

The catholic church has banned erasers now??

For lent or borrowed.

[Bushcraft 2,591]

A well-known rock musician, an ardent Catholic, had heard that every Wednesday at 2 pm the Pope emerges from his chambers and walks down a line of people who have turned up hoping to be graced with a few words from him.

So he took a holiday in Rome and turned up at the Vatican dressed in his finest clothes, joined the line of people and waited. The Pope emerged on time, walked down the line and stopped to talk to a dirty old down-and-out further up the line. The Pope then continued straight past the pop musician and disappeared.

Mighty upset, the musician thought that being the Pope, his holiness would naturally have more time for the poor and needy, so he collared the tramp and offered to exchange clothes with him one-for-one. The delighted tramp agreed at once.

The Wednesday after, the musician once again stood in line, but dressed in the tramp's dirty rags.

The Pope duly appeared, walked down the line and stopped opposite him. Wonder of wonders, what a thrill!

The Pope then leaned forward and said to him: "I thought I told you to piss off last week!"

[bluechef 3]

A priest offers a choirboy a pound if he will wank him off, rubbing away as he gets to the vinegar strokes, the boy puts his finger over his japs eye, and says, make it a fiver or i'll blow yer bollocks off.