Monkeywatch - July 2017

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to more unlikely tales from the city of MICE, rice and vice (but not necessarily in that order.)

 

Well, the devastating news this month is that there aren’t going to be any more Go Go Bars in Pattaya. Fortunately, there probably aren’t going to be any less either as the announcement was made that there weren’t going to be any new Go Go licences granted in the foreseeable future. Now, given that in Pattaya ‘the foreseeable future’ is usually less than a week, the impact of this should be fairly minimal. However, if it goes on for any length of time, that’s Midnight Pattaya well and truly fucked (though there’s a whisper going round that it already is.)

A quality tourist from Iran, 35 year old Muzrat Ali, got a bit more than he bargained for a couple of weeks ago when he groped the lady he’d just picked up for 1000 baht. It seems that the ‘lady’ was a little over-equipped in the nether regions and responded to his anger by threatening him with a beer bottle then nicking 5000 baht and ripping his shirt off before speeding off on her motorbike. A real lady who witnessed the event took pity on him and guided him to the police who told him he was a stinking pig and that he had more chance of knitting fog than getting his money back. When in Pattaya, sometimes getting more than you paid for isn’t such a good deal after all.

 

Police were called a couple of weeks back after a South Korean bloke was found dead in North Pattaya after a 37 floor plunge from the from the condo block where he was living. Suicide was reckoned to be unlikely as the chappie was said to be a successful businessman and something of a high flyer, though the manner of his demise would suggest that the latter description of him was somewhat less than accurate.

 

Is this one of those Pattaya gold diggers we’re always hearing about?..

 

 

Tour buses that used to pick up and drop off small yellow people at Bali Hai Pier have now been told to do it on Beach Road, presumably because of the lack of traffic congestion there. Officials from City Hall, the police and the military said it all seems to be going well, though it was notable that they were all reading their bank statements at the time.

 

City Hall has approved an allocation of 1.4 million baht for the building of 30 new baht bus stop shelters in an effort to improve the tourist transportation experience. So in future, instead of standing out in the pissing rain being ignored by baht buses, you’ll be able to stand in a nice dry shelter and be ignored by baht buses. Don’t think we can cope with all this progress.

 

And if that wasn’t enough, the latest idea from City Hall to solve the local transportation problem is – wait for it – a Pattaya tram system. Wonder if they’ve considered the possible consequences of running vehicles during the rainy season that rely purely on external electrical power? Well obviously they must have done or the idea would be just plain silly, wouldn’t it?

Funny, could’ve sworn this was Pattaya…

 

 

Bar news is with us now, and the Gold A Go Go open/closed saga is finally at an end – it’s closed. However, there are several new Go Go’s mooted to be in the offing, including three in Soi Diamond and one on Walking Street. Bypass A Go Go has reopened and G-Spot is now Annabelle’s. One assumes from all this that the “no new licences” malarkey doesn’t apply to existing Go Go’s that have closed and reopened under new management.

 

It’s been reported that illegal wood traders are being hunted by local police for, well, illegal wood trading. So if you didn’t know that wood is illegal in Pattaya, you do now. Let that be a warning unto ye.

 

Time to tell it like it was, with a look back at a couple of items from Monkeywatch in July 2007…

 

“The big drama of the last few weeks took place in the Boyztown area when one of the more prominent gay bars caught fire, attracting rubbernecking sightseers in the sort of numbers usually only seen outside Galaxy Cabaret. There were no serious casualties, though their chef complained that the fire had burned him on the arse and ruined his mince.

In a bid to help us all sleep soundly in our beds, the Thai government has announced that liquids over 100ml will no longer be allowed onto departing aircraft, so it sounds like the passengers will have to start drinking their own piss on the flights home. Well, at least it’ll get the taste of the Chang out of their mouths.”

 

Suddenly everyone wants to be a comedian…

 

 

The new Chonburi immigration boss, who caused some consternation after he put out a statement saying he would be conducting a “deep investigation” of expats, has issued a further missive assuring them that this will not involve either bending over or torches.

 

Pattaya villagers have been complaining to City Hall that they don’t have any water. Perhaps someone should tell them to take a trip to Central Pattaya Tunnel – they’ve got shitloads of it in there.

 

Finally, a bit of good news for the hotel owners who were worried about the preponderance of stinking pigs in Pattaya – word is they’ve all started fucking off to Cambodia. Don’t slam the door on the way out, chaps.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

Always great info and entertaining monkeyman.

 

I always learn things from you.

 

 

That bit about the Asian tourists (and from my personal viewing there are many waiting on the pier) now congesting traffic on Beach Road has me scratching my head...but it is probably just dandruff in my hot and dry California Central Valley climate. It must be dehydration and when properly hydrated I am certain it will make more sense. Although, you did not say exactly where on Beach Road. If It is down by Naklua I would find it less of a concern. However that is far from the pier. Perfect Thai logic in that somehow.

 

Perhaps I will just avoid baht busses on Beach Road. It was slow enough already toward Walking Street that I usually hopped off at the mall anyway. I might have to hop off parallel to Mikes Shopping now. Glad I am only 66.

 

As to the wood trading, that is rarely an early morning problem for me any more. However, hope springs eternal.

Edited July 17, 2017 by midlifecrisis

[Bob Belzy 150]

Pattaya villagers have been complaining to City Hall that they don’t have any water.

 

I thought it was Ctiy Hall now.....

[monkeyman 1,604]

That bit about the Asian tourists (and from my personal viewing there are many waiting on the pier) now congesting traffic on Beach Road has me scratching my head...but it is probably just dandruff in my hot and dry California Central Valley climate. It must be dehydration and when properly hydrated I am certain it will make more sense. Although, you did not say exactly where on Beach Road. If It is down by Naklua I would find it less of a concern. However that is far from the pier. Perfect Thai logic in that somehow.

 

 

There are three designated stopping zones outside A-One Royal Cruise Hotel, Hard Rock Hotel and Royal Garden Plaza.

[Basil B 46]

 

 

And if that wasn’t enough, the latest idea from City Hall to solve the local transportation problem is – wait for it – a Pattaya tram system. Wonder if they’ve considered the possible consequences of running vehicles during the rainy season that rely purely on external electrical power?

 

If they can run them in Manchester, then they should work fine in Pattaya, but there again Manchester has no Bhat Bus Mafia to put a spanner or two in the works...

[jacko 8,814]

 

If they can run them in Manchester, then they should work fine in Pattaya, but there again Manchester has no Bhat Bus Mafia to put a spanner or two in the works...

The system in Manchester extends quite wide into surrounding areas, like Bury, Rochdale, Eccles and Ashton Under Lyne, and supports about a dozen main line railway stations and the airport. God forbid what the M60 would be like without it! Would love to see a smaller system in Pattaya, that could connect my home out of town to Beach Rd (Walking St end)!