Bar Humor

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

I no longer eat toast....

 

 

 

 

 

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

You are two for two today!

[awesum4 2,333]

2 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

I no longer eat toast....

 

 

 

 

 

Where are the corndogs and pizza?

 

Jamie Oliver did a tv series about trying to teach American schools to serve lunch. The episode I saw the options for lunch were corndogs, pizza or deepfried chicken. 

He asked the kids what they had for breakfast that morning,  80%  said corndogs, pizza or deepfried chicken. 

Sorry for threadfucking by being serious.........I'm glad Hyku isnt around to offer to spank me......

Edited July 27, 2019 by awesum4

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

15 minutes ago, awesum4 said:

Where are the corndogs and pizza?

 

Jamie Oliver did a tv series about trying to teach American schools to serve lunch. The episode I saw the options for lunch were corndogs, pizza or deepfried chicken. 

He asked the kids what they had for breakfast that morning,  80%  said corndogs, pizza or deepfried chicken. 

Sorry for threadfucking by being serious.........I'm glad Hyku isnt around to offer to spank me......

I hated sauerkraut day

[Bob Belzy 150]

Pooh.....

Edited July 28, 2019 by Bob Belzy

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

2 hours ago, Bob Belzy said:

Pooh.....

please no Winnieing. I capitalize as we apparently are speaking in proper name dialect.

 

winnieing

The process of matching up with the ever so lovely Winnie on tinder, in hopes that your witty pickup line will charm the pants off her.

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[awesum4 2,333]

16 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

That's for sure ....

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

The ANT AND THE 
GRASSHOPPER

 

This one is a little different ...

Two Different Versions ... 
Two Different Morals

 

OLD VERSION

 

The ant works 
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper 
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the ant is warm 
and well fed.

 

The grasshopper has 
no food or shelter, so he 
dies out in the cold.

 

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

 

Be responsible for yourself!

 

MODERN 
VERSION

 

The ant works hard 
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper thinks the ant 
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper 
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be 
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

 

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN,   
and ABC show up to 
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper 
next to a video of the ant 
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. 
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

 

 

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper 
is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears 
on Oprah 
with the grasshopper 
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green'

Occupy the Anthill stages 
a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the

Black Lives Matter group singing, We shall overcome.

 

Then Reverend Al Sharpton  
has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper 
while he damns the ants. He later appears on MSNBC to complain that rich people do not care.

 

Former President Obama condemns the ant 
and blames 
Donald Trump, President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the 
Pope 
for the grasshopper's 
plight.

 

Nancy Pelosi & Chuck Schumer   
exclaim in an interview on The View 
that the ant has 
gotten rich off the back of the 
grasshopper, 
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

 

Finally, the EEOC drafts 
the Economic Equity & 
Anti-Grasshopper Act 
retroactive to the beginning of 
the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number 
of green bugs and, 
having; nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the 

Government Green Czar, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and given to the grasshopper.

 

The story ends as we see the grasshopper 
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, 

which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, 
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

 

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

 

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken 
over by a gang of SPIDERS who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

 

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest
of the free world with it.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY:

 

Be careful how you vote in 2020.

 

[awesum4 2,333]

20 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

The ANT AND THE 
GRASSHOPPER

 

This one is a little different ...

Two Different Versions ... 
Two Different Morals

 

OLD VERSION

 

The ant works 
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper 
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the ant is warm 
and well fed.

 

The grasshopper has 
no food or shelter, so he 
dies out in the cold.

 

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

 

Be responsible for yourself!

 

MODERN 
VERSION

 

The ant works hard 
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper thinks the ant 
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper 
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be 
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

 

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN,   
and ABC show up to 
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper 
next to a video of the ant 
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. 
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

 

 

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper 
is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears 
on Oprah 
with the grasshopper 
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green'

Occupy the Anthill stages 
a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the

Black Lives Matter group singing, We shall overcome.

 

Then Reverend Al Sharpton  
has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper 
while he damns the ants. He later appears on MSNBC to complain that rich people do not care.

 

Former President Obama condemns the ant 
and blames 
Donald Trump, President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the 
Pope 
for the grasshopper's 
plight.

 

Nancy Pelosi & Chuck Schumer   
exclaim in an interview on The View 
that the ant has 
gotten rich off the back of the 
grasshopper, 
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

 

Finally, the EEOC drafts 
the Economic Equity & 
Anti-Grasshopper Act 
retroactive to the beginning of 
the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number 
of green bugs and, 
having; nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the 

Government Green Czar, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and given to the grasshopper.

 

The story ends as we see the grasshopper 
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, 

which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, 
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

 

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

 

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken 
over by a gang of SPIDERS who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

 

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest
of the free world with it.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY:

 

Be careful how you vote in 2020.

 

Why is this in the funnies section rather than the politics and religion section.

Maybe because the whole post is a fucking joke.......right?

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

 

[awesum4 2,333]

2 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

 

 

Now that is funny. 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

While we are on the subject of dogs....

 

 

[aussiechic 209]

I had to copy the advert for the dog, my neighbour is on his honeymoon in Phuket and I am looking after his dogs and they are pinning for him.

Edited August 12, 2019 by aussiechic

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]