Bar Humor

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Are you safe...?

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[Broughton 497]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

5 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

One of the best dumb blonde jokes ever!

[VPI78 11,509]

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her six year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you fuckers who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you shitheads who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and lectured her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for four hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I want you to use nicer language."

Four hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and Mom heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.  We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the sprog continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As Mom began to smile, the sprog added, "For those of you who are bitching about the FOUR HOUR delay, please see the fat cunt in the kitchen."
 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Filed under coffee cups I have never received....

[gs joe 1,776]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

7 hours ago, gs joe said:

She doesn't need dental work, she needs a head transplant.

[Bullfrog 2,224]

53 minutes ago, midlifecrisis said:

She doesn't need dental work, she needs a head transplant.

I thought it was Luis Suarez in a dress !!!

[teelack 9,640]

Pussy joke!

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[gs joe 1,776]

[teelack 9,640]

Christmas is coming. Get your skates on.

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[midlifecrisis 4,048]

10 minutes ago, teelack said:

Christmas is coming. Get your skates on.

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk
 

In your corner of the world would that be roller?

[VPI78 11,509]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

A chicken farmer went to the local bar.

He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.

The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."

"What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, " It is a special day for me. I am celebrating."

"It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman.

"What a coincidence." said the farmer.

While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."

"What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

"This is incredible," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"

"I used a different rooster," he said.

The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

 

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

 

Police stopped my car...

Edited December 13, 2020 by BigusDicus

[VPI78 11,509]

While in china, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in california, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My regular witch doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid california docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, Thank you!" the man replies. "Yes," says the chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"