Bar Humor

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

His impulses always were a little warped.

And everybody noticed how he used to look at Chekhov.

[BigusDicus 9,878]

 

"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."

 

 

[gs joe 1,776]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[gs joe 1,776]

[yorta2 693]

[gs joe 1,776]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

"Next time! ... Next time it'll work, I promise ... "

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[sailingbill 1,034]

Lucas was a maligned company that sharpened the senses of my otherwise hemp addled generation . We could judge speed by observing the roadway pass along us. Accurately gauge RPM shift points using our ears. Calculate time/distance into fuel burn with the precision of a Pilot. Appreciate the sound of Doves and the flushing of Quail while hitching along a country road having failed to make that calculation.  As a young man Ozzy Osbourne worked for Lucas . The Prince of Darkness.

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

On 1/29/2023 at 4:02 PM, sailingbill said:

Lucas was a maligned company that sharpened the senses of my otherwise hemp addled generation . We could judge speed by observing the roadway pass along us. Accurately gauge RPM shift points using our ears. Calculate time/distance into fuel burn with the precision of a Pilot. Appreciate the sound of Doves and the flushing of Quail while hitching along a country road having failed to make that calculation.  As a young man Ozzy Osbourne worked for Lucas . The Prince of Darkness.

 

Well put!  Having owned three Jaguars when I was young (64 E Type, 76 XJ12L, 79 XJS) I  had an intimate relationship with that MoFo,  Lucas...

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[Shooter 864]

10 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

I was gonna say "what the fuck is that shit on the first plate?".  ?

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

An Englishmen, a Welchman, and a Pakistani are at the maternity ward, and the Hospital says, “we apologize, but there appears to be a mixup with your children, we can’t say for certain which is which”…

 

Since this joke lacks DNA testing, the 3 agree to sort it out for themselves.

 

The Englishman goes in first, as is his right (alphabetical order), and he comes out a moment later with what is clearly the Pakistani baby.

 

The Pakistani says as much…

 

The Englishman says, “well maybe… but one of those other two is a welch baby, and I’m not taking any chances”…

 

 

[js007 795]

On 1/31/2023 at 9:28 PM, BigusDicus said:

Well put!  Having owned three Jaguars when I was young (64 E Type, 76 XJ12L, 79 XJS) I  had an intimate relationship with that MoFo,  Lucas...

Most of the problems I had with my British sports cars were electrical. Ditto for my old next door neighbor, who had an Healey he used to drive around, when he could get it to work. That was years ago, and, at one point, he spent almost $100,000 restoring it to perfection.  And yet he’s still afraid to drive it anywhere, so it sits in his garage under a cover.

[Samsonite 181]

IIRC, in a episode of the American TV show "Frasier." Kelsey Grammer (the lead actor) said to someone in anger, "I hope your Jaguar has a Lucas electrical system." It might have been, "May your Jaguar have a Lucas electrical system."

?

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies...FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, AFT, etc. Now, Congress is considering a proposal for another agency: the “Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service”....can’t you see it now? The new agents in their black uniforms with the initials in large white letters across their backs???