BigusDicus

Another of Einstein 's Theories Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 128 if he were alive today. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as....... Einstein's Theory of 'Relative Titty'

I know this is an old one. someone just sent it to me - gets me everytime!

I have a new dermatologist. She is late 20's, of Korean ethnicity, very good looking! Last year she did a full body exam for the first time. I got a hard on! I saw her last week for my second annual full exam. She asked me to leave my underwear on this time At least she did not have to ask me to stop masturbating.

Ouch!

Keep this in mind in case you have a job application, or in case you want to live life to its fullest. You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or, you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. Howev er, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS................The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box." HOWEVER....another option to consider: Run over the old lady and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of your car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers. God, I just love happy endings...........

There I was on my way to work ... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... It wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... and then .. I rear-ended the car in front of me. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the other car ... (and you know how when you get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get kinda funny)? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, he looks up at me and shouts, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?' That's when the fight started... ... (Maybe I should have thought of him as a Little Person?)

Damn! You could be right. That means I am turning into a lesbian.

Damn you N3! Just sprayed my keyboard with red wine. Was laughing so hard!

Thats good!

Redneck Hiring Chart

How to Get Rid of a One Night Stand http://glumbert.com/wii/view.php?name=onenight

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked. At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?', asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.' The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio. When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the shit out of her, not once, but three times.

Thank You. I really enjoyed it. Would have been fun to be there. Wonder if he would play Pattaya?

Both good points!

http://www.tagtele.com/videos/voir/11924/1/

Pete - I also applaud the addition of espresso. Looking forward to trying your wine selections.

A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. But the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.' The woman calmly looked up at her and said, 'No he didn't. He just walked in the door.'

In a country (Thailand) where a man can get a sex change-including adams apple removal for only $1500 I cannot wonder if this happens more than some of us realize......

The world goes round.....

Big tits & beer. Really is not much of a choice.

Excellent!

There's a lot of advertising but the winner should be this promo at the Doctor's office.

A view from Wisconsin.... Certainly makes sense to me.... "We in Wisconsin cannot figure out why we are even bothering to hold a Presidential election. On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer...and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer. On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blonde with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship. Is there a contest here?"

Finally, a definition of globalization I can understand and to which I can relate: Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling), followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals..... That, my friends, is Globalization!

A blonde was on vacation and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Well then, maybe I'll just g o out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free" The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"! The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile! Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 3 meter croc swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out....... "SH!T, SH!T, SH!T, THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO"!