BigusDicus

It is always touching when folks demonstrate their concern and warm regards for their fellows...

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

You have to be an American, exposed to American TV adds over the last 2-3 years to truly appreciate this one.

I enjoyed the dress. Obviously she is very proud. Rightfully so.

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Family Planning

comment from the cat ...

Epitaph Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in The Logan City Cemetery , Logan , Utah .... I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Wedding Invitation

Recently came across below ad: Bike For Sale

I enjoyed it! Thank You.

Yesterday, my laptop was stolen from my car while I was at Big C. Lucky for me, there was a surveillance camera mounted on the wall near my car, and security personnel were able to give me a pretty good image of the suspect. Now the police have asked me to circulate the picture to people I know, to see if they know or have seen the suspect. I immediately thought of you for help on this. If you recognize the suspect, please let me know. I am not really interested in my laptop anymore as it is insured, but I would just like to get my hands on the person who stole it. Does this look like anyone you know?

Are you saying you think he might be a Fudge Pirate?

It is a different world out there

This guy has a tough time! http://video.aol.com/video/weatherman-atta...3070x1200497453

A couple of fun pictures

Keep in mind the US $ is gaining against most currencies at the moment. A US dollars worth of Aussie dollars might be worth 80 cents in a few months.

Very, very good!

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Debbie. They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Debbie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself. It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Bob and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So they buried Debbie.

A woman sued a man for defamation of character charging that he had called her a pig. They went to court, where he was found guilty and fined. After the trial, he asked, "Does this mean I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?". The judge said it was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson'?", the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."

The only fishing there is in Pattaya is 'Pink Snapper'.

An oldie but goodie!

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object only to find a little old Jew at a small stand selling neckties. The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?' The Jew replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00.' The Taliban shouted, 'Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first.' 'OK,' said the old Jew, 'it does not matter that you don't want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.' Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back. 'Your f#@*ing brother won't let me in without a tie.

Food shortage survey Last month, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?' The survey was a huge failure because....: In Africa they didn't know what 'food' means. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'honest' means. In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' means. In China they didn't know what 'opinion' means. In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' means. In South America they didn't know what 'please' means. In the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' means.