nohlsson1

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.' So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.' 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'. 12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'. 13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Great joke, I was laughing pretty hard.

You have a great place Pete. The food, atmosphere, employees, and view were all what was expected. Good Luck

Very nice

I have always loved Jib Jab! Great Stuff

I was disappointed with many of the a go go's on my last trip. I did spot about 5 very fit girls in Angel Witch on my last trip. I will agree that the majority were not what I expected. I just focused on the 5 and had a good night. I will not even mention some others that were a turn and burn for me. We walked in ordered a drink, looked about paid, for the drink and left after quickly downing the drink.

Des, much respect to you. We have a star of the week where I work. I would have to put you in for star of the century. I hope that I am having a quarter of the fun you are when I am 50.

Thanks for posting the update Pete. During my trip last month I made it in there sometime around the late afternoon or early evening each day with my dad. I found your employees very friendly and helpful each time. He actually visited your place more frequently once he learned you had an ice cream menu. The food was always good and the atmosphere was better. My jack and cokes were perfect each time they were brought. I only wish I would have understood the whole coaster deal while I was there. Good luck and I am looking forward to visiting again next year.

Keep them coming monkeyman! Another fine read as always.

I saw them last week while I was there. I just didn't pay attention to them though. If I would have only known then.

Missing this by 2 days.

A MAN WALKED INTO A SUPERMARKET WITH HIS ZIPPER DOWN. A LADY CASHIER WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID, 'YOUR BARRACKS DOOR IS OPEN'. NOT A PHRASE THAT MEN NORMALLY USE, HE WENT ON HIS WAY LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE SHOPPING, A MAN CAME UP AND SAID, 'YOUR FLY IS OPEN.' HE ZIPPED UP AND FINISHED HIS SHOPPING. AT THE CHECKOUT, HE INTENTIONALLY GOT IN THE LINE WHERE THE LADY WAS THAT TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS 'BARRACKS DOOR.' HE WAS PLANNING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH HER, SO WHEN HE REACHED THE COUNTER HE SAID, 'WHEN YOU SAW MY BARRACKS DOOR OPEN, DID YOU SEE A MEMBER OF THE 101ST AIRBORNE STANDING IN THERE AT ATTENTION?' THE LADY (NATURALLY SMARTER THAN THE MAN) THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT AND SAID, 'NO, NO I DIDN'T. ALL I SAW WAS A DISABLED VETERAN SITTING ON A COUPLE OF OLD DUFFEL BAGS'

Another one that left me smiling.

That was a great story, it had me laughing out loud.

OK Neil, we have been patient. Where are the pics man. I should be catching up with you in a little over a week.

I would love to see a trip report from your trip to Pattaya!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude . When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program? "He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me!" He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

Once again you have shared with us a invaluable insight on the day to day happenings around Pattaya.

I almost missed this posting. Looking forward on dropping in and checking the place out. So where are the pics of the girls and the place?......enquiring minds want to know!

I love those hours...delivery till 0500.

Great set of pics Adam, look forward to seeing it in person on the back side of August.

According to this link they won't start flying till mid 2009. I am interested to see where they will be going to though.

It was from 2006 though???????

LOL that was messed up! I hadn't laughed that hard in a week.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... And that's how the fight started... ************************************************************************ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started... *********************************************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked,' Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started... *********************************************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started...