Bar Humor

[VPI78 11,528]

[Bob Belzy 150]

[VPI78 11,528]

[Bob Belzy 150]

[Bob Belzy 150]

[Bob Belzy 150]

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[atlas2 4,329]

A dog in the old west steps a paw on a silver dollar.......Picks it up and heads for the saloon.

'Give me a shot of red-eye' he barks.

"We don't serve stinking dogs in this bar..even talking ones'

Clutching the dollar  the dog bangs it on the bar..."I got a dollar....give me a shot of red-eye'

Pulling a six shooter the barman shoots the dollar from the dog's grip...... Screaming in pain and yelping most piteously  the dog leaves the bar.

Two years later the dog returns.......walking upright now.....two pearl-handled colts on his hip and a stetson pulled down......... death in his eyes.....

The dog looks round the room

The piano stops a tinkling......the poker players look up..........The whores cover their mouths.......

Silence......

Then the dog speaks.....Low and kinda slow........

'I'm'a looking for the man who shot my paw!'

 

Edited May 28, 2019 by atlas2

[VPI78 11,528]

[forcebwithu 4,856]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

19 hours ago, VPI78 said:

Just as long as it isn't the wrong one!

[atlas2 4,329]

'Do you still love me darling..after all these years?'

Snuggling closer....."Of course you silly girl.'

If I died would you remarry?....You could you know, I wouldn't mind I'd want you to be happy. You should have someone to share your life with.'

"Let's not think about those things.......Let's just say I suppose it's possible.'

..........'Would you.......... give her my golf clubs?'

" No she's left-handed.................'

[VPI78 11,528]

[Bob Belzy 150]

Last week I put down a deposit on a new bed in Ikea; bastards had me thrown out.

[VPI78 11,528]

[atlas2 4,329]

15 hours ago, Bob Belzy said:

Last week I put down a deposit on a new bed in Ikea; bastards had me thrown out.

My ex wife wanted us to try a water-bed to spice up our love life.......But somehow we just drifted apart.

[VPI78 11,528]

[VPI78 11,528]

[atlas2 4,329]

9 minutes ago, VPI78 said:

 

[VPI78 11,528]

Just now, atlas2 said:

 

Someone has moved 2nd base

[Bob Belzy 150]

1 hour ago, VPI78 said:

Someone has moved 2nd base

In my six-speed, reverse would be pretty close to 2nd base.

[atlas2 4,329]

31 minutes ago, Bob Belzy said:

In my six-speed, reverse would be pretty close to 2nd base.

The latest in Chinese reversing sensors

[atlas2 4,329]

This can be interchangeable.......

But in this example.....

An Aussie and a Maori go into a pie shop.....The Aussie deftly slips 3 pies into his pocket.

"See how slickly I did that the owner never noticed a thing!'

Unimpressed the Maori says, 'I can show you how get 3 pies legally and without paying......"

Back in the shop the Maori says to the owner, 'do you want to see a truly amazing magic trick?'

Up for any magic trick the owner agrees.

'Pass me a pie' The owner does and the Maori scoffs it down in two bites.

'Pass me another pie'...The Maori scoffs that down too.

'And finally pass me a third pie'......Scowling a bit and suspicious  now the shop owner passes him a third pie which is quickly scoffed down.

'Daaan Naah!' exclaims  the Maori .

Pissed off the owner says......'Er mate where the bloody magic in that?'

'Check my mate's pockets'

 

[Bob Belzy 150]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn about multi-syllable words, does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate." Ms Jones smiles and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's quite a mouthful."

 

From right up the back of the class comes another voice, "No Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob."