monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to this month’s sneaky sojourn in Soggy City. Well, the floods that we were told would never happen again have happened again. On September 16, folk were wading around up to their waists in the effluent that had come up through the drains and cars, motorcycles and dead dog dogs were being washed away in the raging torrents. Arriving Chinese holidaymakers stared out of the windows of their tour buses in complete disbelief at the scenes of chaos, carnage and mayhem before electing to leave the place and seek asylum in Syria. We

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for stopping by, and welcome to another sideways look at what’s going on, what’s going down, what’s going up and what ain’t going anywhere. Police were called to North Pattaya the other day after receiving reports of a suspicious man in a thick coat carrying a bag full of unusual items. The man was released after questioning and was last seen heading towards the North Pole in his reindeer driven sleigh. The decision by Bamboo Bar to increase toilet charges from 3 to 5 baht still seems to be a hot potato. Though it may seem trivial to some, we

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to more Tales of the Expected. Game on. The government have announced a new booze ban starting this month that prohibits the sale of alcohol within 300 metres of all educational establishments. The reason given for this is to “curtail underage drinking and the scourge of student violence”. Well, that should work just fine - except with the ones who can walk 300 metres. A sausage vendor turned up at the local nick last week claiming that a man, who he described as “a stinking pig”, had swindled him out of 1000 baht

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for keeping the faith, and welcome to the latest lot of tall tales from the Land of Cheesy Grins. As has been well publicised, 808 Discotheque was raided by the police and the army after photos allegedly showing a girl giving a Korean bloke a blowjob went viral on Facebook. Absolute nonsense. The bloke had lost a button from his flies and the girl very kindly offered to sew it back on for him while he stood at the bar. The photos were taken just as she was biting off the cotton. Honestly, some people have such dirty minds. Some questions do arise fr

There's a photo of it on the PA forum underneath this same article.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tall tales from Viagra City. On with the show. A street pylon in Central Pattaya suffered a spot of erectile dysfunction the other Monday, causing a spaghetti of cables to collapse in front of a petrol station on Sukhumvit Road. The matter was reported to City Hall who decided on an appropriate course of action, which was to do absolutely bugger all about it, so it’s probably best to avoid that area for the next couple of years. Following alleged complaints from residents and businesses, local police are on the lookout for so-called Boom-B

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to this month’s monkey May madness. On with the show. A Chinese couple spent five hours at sea the other weekend after their jet ski broke down shortly after they left Koh Larn. They were eventually spotted by some fishermen and returned to dry land where they were presented with a bill for 30,000 baht for extra rental charges, another 30,000 baht for breaking the jet ski’s engine and a further 30,000 baht for a 2mm scratch on the hull. They’re currently trying to sell their house to pay the bill. Emergency

Saw Adam Ant play the other night. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AWESOME. Here's a bit of it. The track is "Beat My Guest". Enjoy.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, an Easter showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to more unlikely happenings from the Land of the Rising Cock. A ladyboy was arrested the other week after he attacked a Polish woman with his shoe in Walking Street. Police initially arrested a shoe shine boy for the assault because they were led to believe that a boy had attacked a lady with his shoe polish. That’s what happens when a Pole tries to report a crime to a Thai in English. A park and helipad on Pratamnak Hill has been forced to close at night following a series of assaults and rapes of Thai and fo

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for your continued patronage, and welcome to this month’s strangely penis oriented edition. Well, the BBC documentary series ‘Bangkok Airport’ has finally ended, so the whole world can now sleep safe in the knowledge that all the airport staff are shiny, happy people and all the passengers are potless, half-witted dickheads (for those of you not familiar with the BBC, it’s a British state-sponsored paedophile ring.) Police are investigating after a boatman was attacked and stabbed in the neck on Beach Road near to Soi 12. The motive for the atta

It does if you use the Muslim Prayer Room the right way.

I think we all found that out the first time we gave a 20 baht note to a baht bus driver...

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once again, and welcome to another month in paradise - and all the other Go Go Bars too. Away. Police were called to a South Pattaya Go Kart track after reports of a punch up between Thai staff and some Kuwaiti nationals following an argument about the quality of the vehicles provided for hire. The Kuwaitis demanded arrests and a full apology, telling police that this was no way to treat distinguished foreign visitors. The police agreed, but added that this was exactly the way to treat ignorant loud mouthed stinking pigs and told them to bugger off.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for sticking with us for yet another year, and welcome to our latest montage of mayhem in the City of Silly Smirks. Here we go again. The Royal Thai Police have finally ended the passport carrying debate by announcing that anyone asked to produce their passport can do so at a later time, therefore you don’t have to carry either the original or a copy with you. So that’s the end of that then. Well it isn’t actually, because the Legal and Justice Reform Committee have just recommended that the Royal Thai Police should be dissolved. They’ll need one he

Greetings Monkeywatchers, Jingle Balls to one and all, and welcome to a selection of festive faux pas from Fun City. Fire Units were summoned to South Pattaya the other Monday after a water purification store caught fire, allegedly causing a million baht’s worth of damage to the premises and stock. This raised a number of questions, like the stock is water, so how could it be damaged? And why didn’t the water put out the fire? Anyway, the owner put on a brave face, saying that at least the remaining water was now pure as it had been boiled by the fire. Typical Thai. When all seems lost, p

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once again, and welcome to the month when everybody celebrates Roy Clattong, whoever he is. New Martial Law tourism directives have been issued to maintain peace and order in the Land of Smirks. To ensure good behaviour, all tourists visiting Go Go Bars must now be accompanied by a monk. Initial reaction to the ruling has been somewhat negative from bar owners and tourists, but rather more positive from monks. The new regime has also come up with another idea to protect tourists - making them wear identity tags. What with that and armed troops s

There's a brand new Walking Street Go Go opening tonight on the site of a former retail business and two more currently under construction. Nuff said?

Too right. Anybody who says schooldays are the best days of your life obviously never had to use that stuff.

You got it. They used to impregnate those horrible old shiny toilet rolls with the stuff for some reason.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap from the bra tit of Thailand, and welcome to this month’s montage of military mayhem. New figures just released by City Hall show the number of tourists visiting Pattaya this year is projected to be 1.5 million down on the 2013 total. Sounds like a couple of Chinese tour parties must have cancelled. Pattaya’s deckchairs are the latest target for the boys in green, with strict rules being laid down for the numbers and formations permissible. All they need to do now is rename the beach ‘Titanic’. Police visited Pattaya Remand Prison the ot

Now that's what I call a happy hour. :gulp :gulp :gulp :gulp :gulp

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming along for the ride, and off we go once again. Police and bomb disposal experts were called to a local hospital after what was thought to be an explosive device was found outside the premises by a nurse arriving for work. The device proved to be an imitation when it pretended to explode and feigned injury to several people. Some representatives from the Ministry of Defence visited Pattaya the other Thursday for what was described as an educational visit to observe how the local police and City Hall went about their business. When asked

Looks like it's been shut down.

Sunee Plaza might be a good starting point.

Many thanks Martin. Hope to catch up with you and Pin soon.