monkeyman

Apologies for the error Dave. All the best for the future and I hope the BF will live on under new ownership.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to this, our bumper 100th edition of Monkeywatch. May we take this opportunity to thank both of our readers for their years of unstinting support. Right, stand by for blast-off. Passports have been in the news again with the statement by a senior Thai immigration official that tourists and expats will in future have to carry their passports on their person at all times or face possible fines and even imprisonment. This created a predictable furore until an even more senior immigration official declared that statement to

If I could own any bar in Pattaya, I'd choose this one. The business model is bulletproof.

With all the bars shut, they haven't got anywhere else to go.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to one and all, and welcome to post curfew Patts. Hoorah. A Malaysian bloke who decided to spice up his first trip to Thailand by ordering a penis enlarger online was more than a little miffed when he opened the package and found it contained a magnifying glass. There’s been disquiet in some quarters after it was reported that a certain Walking Street Go Go bar is controversially employing ladyboy dancers. This is absolutely appalling. Some poor unsuspecting poof could go in there and end up with a girl by mistake. Drivers in Pattaya are goi

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a big core coup crap for looking in once again, and welcome to this month’s midsummer military mayhem. Well, the big news of the month was obviously the military coup and particularly that nasty 10 pm to 5am curfew. All bars were affected except for JP Bar, as they don’t open before 5am anyway. Apart from the early bar closings, there was a ban on gatherings of more than five people, which resulted in several hundred Indian tourists being ejected from their hotel rooms. A Thai cable TV worker was left bereft of transportation after parking his motorcycle in C

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to our newest selection of salacious snippets. Game on. Well, Songkran has come round again, and it brought forth some novel events, including a ‘Drink, Dive, Duck’ party at the A-One Royal Cruise Hotel. Unfortunately, the marketing executive who devised it was stopped by police on his way back home for driving erratically and ended up attending a 'Drink, Drive, Fucked' party at Pattaya Police Station. Another special event organised for Songkran was a Buddhist Relics Parade that took place throughout the streets of P

That's true. Some blocks of seats are allocated before the 100 day deadline.

Shoes are stored and claimed using a bowling alley type set up, so you should get them back with any luck.

Definitely worth a visit, but avoid weekends as the place is overrun with kids.

On carefully arranged piles of bricks and sand bags, and even on their own little portable chairs. It's been quite an invention test for them.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to a further taste of tantalising titillation from testosterone town. Well, once again it was time for the Pattaya Music Festival to happen, and happen it did. The word ‘International’ was noticeably absent from the title of this year’s event, probably because all the international acts that were supposed to be appearing were noticeably absent as well. Nevertheless, the concerts at the six beachfront stages were standing-room only – someone forgot to order the seats. The new jumping season is already well underway with a bloke fr

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us, and welcome to this month’s squint at Smile City. Let’s get going. Heard a story the other week about chap in Pattaya who decided to have his name tattooed on his penis but gave up after the first letter. Some say he ran out of money, others that he just ran out of penis. We hear that a prize-winning Russian pianist gave a performance at a Pattaya hotel last Saturday. Or was that penis as well? No, probably not. That wouldn’t be news. A local woman was killed the other week after being attacked by her neighbour’s dogs on her own front

How about The Pleasure Dome? It never even opened.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to another month’s shameless shenanigans. Here we go. A couple of young Russian lads had a bit of an unfortunate experience the other week after picking up a couple of Thai girls on Beach Road. When they got the girls back to their hotel, they discovered they weren’t quite as girlie as expected and a row broke out, followed by a fight that the ladyboys won. Our two hapless heroes then ran off to the police station, resulting in both themselves and the katoeys being arrested and bundled off to hospital to get themselves cleaned up.

I like Thai Visa. It keeps the PC wankers off boards like this.

It must feel really at home in Pattaya.

A Secrets spinoff maybe?

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a Happy New Year to one and all, and welcome to this month’s plunge into the pits of Patts. Chocks away. The debate about how much to give the girls seems to be a popular topic for conversation again. Basically, the uglier you are, the more you have to pay, so if you’re paying upwards of 3000 baht, do us all a favour and wear a bucket over your head. However, if you’re Australian, remember to take it off before you go home or you might be mistaken for Ned Kelly. Wonder how much he used to pay? There’s also been some discussion about what possesses farangs to get up

The heads were part of teddybear costumes used to promote the opening of Teddy Island in the Markland Village Mall on the corner of Beach Road and Soi 1. Nice place for the kids but a bit on the pricey side.

Great, innit? Even the bloody news is full of repeats now.

I'm still trying to figure out why this story from 2006 has suddenly reappeared on the BBC News website.

It goes on to say "one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears". Perhaps someone should tell them that you're only supposed to use them once.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap and Merry Christmas to you all, and welcome to this month’s Yuletide yobbishness. On with the show. A team of workers from City Hall turned up at the Boutique Hotel in South Pattaya the other week to remove several floors that have been the subject of a demolition order since July. However, they went away scratching their heads after being told by the hotel owner that he wanted them to remove the excess floors from the bottom of the buildings rather than the top. Fortunately, the situation was resolved the next day when the workmen persuaded the owne

Sorry for the delay guys, it's been a bit of a rushed job this month, but it'll be up very shortly. And thanks very much for the kind words. Merry Christmas to you all.