monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome once again to another month’s rummage in the rucksack of rude. Off we go. It’s been a pretty standard sort of month in Pattaya really. A Pole was pulverised by a propeller (on a speedboat), a Russian was recycled into a rack of ribs (by a motorbike), and a Dane was demolished by a drop (23 floors from a condo block). Add to that the usual spate of shootings, stabbings and muggings and it’s just been business as usual. Still, it’s a great place to bring the family – if you want to go home single. In response to the recent large i

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a Happy New Year to one and all, and core coon crap for joining us at the start of one more year of squinting into the cesspools of Sin City. Walking Street was blacked out for an hour by a power cut shortly after the New Year had been ushered in. No great inconvenience was caused by this unexpected cock up, except to the chap who chose his companion for the night while the lights were out and later experienced an unexpected cock up of his own. A German quality tourist was arrested the other Sunday after being caught stealing a pair of socks from a shop in Ro

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and a Merry Christmas and Cool Yule to one and all as we take a festive squint at the goings on and comings off in the City Of Smirks during yet another season of piss on earth on goodwill to all mongers. A Russian quality tourist and two Thai security guards were taken to hospital the other Thursday after having a knife fight outside a Walking Street disco. It was observed that this incident took place in Pattaya’s Tourist Safety Zone, which led some commentators to suggest that the idea might not be working too well. One might also suggest that this is something

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to November as we celebrate Guy Fawkes, the man who tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament but failed because he got the gunpowder barrels in the wrong sequence. Reckon he was bang out of order. On with the show. A 14-year-old girl was slightly injured near Third Road the other Monday morning when a bullet came through the roof of her bedroom and hit her in the knee. The injury was thought to be an accident caused by someone firing a bullet into the air close to her home, but the police rounded up all the local Talib

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome once more as we lift up the corner of Fun City’s carpet and find out what’s been swept under it. All systems go. A team from Pattaya’s Sanitation Department have started work on unblocking the city’s drainage system. They’ve begun by taking up drain covers on Third Road and sucking out the pipes to ensure that the system runs freely. It’s rumoured that if things get too difficult they’ve got a team of girls from Soi 6 on standby to offer a little expert help. A former Walking Street magician was arrested yesterday after being accus

Dropped by for the anniversary party last Friday. Good night.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and join us once more as we get to the stories behind the stories, and the stories in front of the stories as well. Chocks away. All hell broke loose and several shots were fired early the other Thursday morning when two groups of drunken Thais had a dust up in a local restaurant. Kicks, punches and tables were thrown, bottles were smashed over heads, it was a right mess. The police were finally called and arrived at the scene in an attempt to sort out the chaos. The two groups of men were finally separated, arrested, and given a stern warning that this was

The greatest ever...

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more ferreting around in the files of Fun City. The adventure begins. Pattaya officials have decided it’s high time that they upgraded the city’s disaster alert system, so they’ve decided to buy a louder whistle. And to alert the rural areas, every poultry farmer will be offered a bigger cock. Police raided a local house the other week and arrested the owner after finding 218,400 yabba pills on the premises. The man claimed that he wasn’t a drug dealer and had only bought the tablets because his wife had invited Ozzy Osbourne to dinner. F

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to the latest batch of Bohemian banter from Giggle City. Up, up and away. Yet another Pattaya hotel has ejected a bunch of Indian tourists after they found eight of them sleeping in one small room. Do you remember a few years ago when Pattaya hatched a master plan to change its image by encouraging a new breed of “quality tourists”? Going well, isn’t it? Human remains have been found on a beach off the coast of Pattaya. Scientists are very excited by the discovery as this species was thought to have abandoned the area many years ago

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s squint at the goings on and comings off in Tottytown. Engage. There seems to be an increasing trend recently for Pattaya hotels to charge joiner fees for residents who have more than one guest in their room. Could be a ploy to squeeze extra money out of mongers, but it’s more likely an attempt to keep the number of Indian occupants per room down to single figures. A Thai bloke has been locked up after being accused of burgling a house and sexually assaulting the owners’ five-year-old dog. What a sicko. He should stick to dogs over

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this, our 6th Anniversary Edition already. Still, as they say, time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana. Let’s get on. Local police have blamed their failure to maintain public order over the Songkran period on the fact that they ran out of ammunition. Someone must have turned off the police station’s water supply. They got their own back last Monday night though, with a total shutdown of Soi 6 for license inspections and piss tests. The bars got a clean bill of health for the licenses but the employees didn’t fare quite so well, w

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our latest rummage in the Pattaya closet. Who knows what germs we’ll find? Or should that be gems? No, germs it is. On with the show. Thailand has apparently become very popular with Indians looking for cheap TVs. Well, they’ll find plenty in Pattaya if they hang around Beach Road in the small hours. It seems that Pattaya has some competition in the tourist mortality stakes after a Russian bloke was electrocuted in the swimming pool of the five star Dewa Resort in Phuket. He met his demise after grabbing hold of a metal bridge with a fau

"Night entertainment venues will be asked to suspend their businesses" I rather suspect they'll be a little more insistent than that.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the latest gaggle of gossip and goings on from Fun Central. Here’s the stuff. A Norwegian fellow went to the police after his Thai girlfriend broke into his room safe and helped herself to 25,000 baht, his laptop and his credit cards while he was asleep. The man was said to be shocked at the theft as the couple had been in a committed relationship for nearly two days. It’s been announced that Pattaya is to spend 140 million baht on beautification of its beach, and that the first stage of this wondrous transformation will be to build an extra tra

That's my life fucked then.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s salacious spread of seedy sensationalism. But enough of this tabloid fever, here’s the stuff. Investigations are currently being made into illegal tour companies in Pattaya, with particular emphasis on those run by foreigners, as there is apparently concern that foreign criminal gangs may be involved in these businesses. Criminal gangs? Wonder what they’ve been up to? Sightseeing with menaces? Armed photography? Elephant trekking with intent? The raiding season is in full swing with dozens of bars falling under the scrutiny of the

Greeting Monkeywatchers, a Happy New Year to one and all, and welcome to another year of life in the Land of Silly Grins. Well, it wasn’t exactly a white Christmas in Patts but, with temperatures plummeting into the low teens early on Christmas Day, it was certainly a great time for shops with stocks of winter apparel. Coats were absolutely flying off the racks and, as the girls were so cold, there were plenty of places to hang them up. In the wee hours of Saturday morning the other week, a gunman fired seven shots at a coach returning to Pattaya from the airport. Or was it only s

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our Christmas edition, bringing with it a message of peace on earth and goodwill to all men – except Russians, obviously. Right, off we go. A petrol pump attendant was apprehended by police last Friday night after being caught spying on a woman while she was using the toilet at a petrol station in Jomtien. It’s been pointed out that female cleaners in Thailand do this all the time in men’s toilets, though to be fair they don’t normally climb up the side of the cubicle and look over the top as in this case. There was a bit of an altercation at a

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another damp edition of life in the Land Of Sponges. Well, floods are once again news in Pattaya, not because there are any, but because of the arrival of stampeding hordes from Bangkok who've fled to Fun City in an attempt to avoid getting their backsides moistened. Several evacuation centres have been set up in the area, though there are reports that many people have been turned away as they were deemed to be "not wet enough". An Englishman was involved in what was described as "a battle with three transsexuals" on Pattaya Beach the Saturday b

Apparently not.

If you go onto Soi 1 from Sabai Wing using the left gate there's an Indian restaurant right in front of you. The condo block is being built immediately to the left of this and is very close to Sabai Wing. This is a photo of the site taken from Sabai Wing. The roof of the Indian restaurant can been seen in the bottom right of the picture.

There's a big noise problem on Soi 1 at the moment being caused by the construction of a new condo block next to the Indian restaurant. The Soi 1 side of Sabai Wing is best avoided for the duration.

Note the use of the two magic mediaspeak words which confirm that this story is complete and utter bollocks.