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Displayed prices are for multiple nights. Check the site for price per night. I see hostels starting at 200b/day and hotels from 500b/day on agoda.

monkeyman

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Everything posted by monkeyman

  1. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month's moistened edition of Fun City Tales. Well, Pattaya now has its own reason to remember 9/11, as it was on this very date that the city disappeared under a deluge of biblical proportions following 16 hours of torrential rain. Shops, clubs and cars were flooded out, motorcycles were washed away, and dead dogs were floating by in packs. Indeed, the water was so deep that I got my dong wet - and I'm not talking about Vietnamese currency here. Fortunately, by the following afternoon there were only a few small puddles left… We
  2. Alf was in FLB on Tuesday night so I'm surprised we haven't got the full story.
  3. No problem with drinks, you can have as many as you like. I think I had half a dozen or so. They were even giving out a free glass of champagne when you walked in. It's better than the SAS lounge IMO. Better food and much better choice of drinks. You can also have a full meal if you want, though you have to pay extra for this. Unquestionably worth the extra fiver. I'll definitely use it again.
  4. I used the new No 1 Lounge recently and would highly recommend it. It's pretty swish and well worth the extra fiver. First class bar, nice food and several extra facilities including its own small cinema. Very well appointed, spacious and comfortable. The Servisair Lounge is a piece of shit by comparison.
  5. I calculate that I won't have to pay anything at all, as by the time I've worked my way through that lot all the bars will be closed.
  6. I'm supposed to be meeting a lady at PBG tonight for a meal. Never mind. I'll take her a bag of crisps from the 7/11.
  7. Shit, I should've read that yesterday. Never mind, there's always Ryza's birthday. Hope she likes her present.
  8. You could always give Maria a bell Dave.
  9. The band seem to be having a few personnel issues recently. Last Sunday the drummer did a runner halfway through the set and they had to finish without him. Nice band though, and ideal for FLB.
  10. Boiled cabbage probably has the edge.
  11. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to our latest fart in the face of the fun police. People are often asking if it's cheaper to buy electronic gear in Thailand than at home. Our advice is to shop in London, where we've heard that discounts of 100 per cent are available to rioters (but don't tell them we sent you). Actually, wasn't it heart warming to see people of all colours and races rioting and looting together – a true triumph for multiculturalism. In another triumphant coup for the forces of law and order, police have smashed an illegal false teeth ring in Pa
  12. Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another squirt of deodorant into the armpits of the Land Of Smirks. The Thai Navy are using Pattaya to test a new weapons targeting system which will save them money as the spare parts for it can be produced in Thailand. A Navy spokesman said "The public needn't be worried by these tests as all the shells fired will pass harmlessly over Pattaya…well, most of them anyway". Pattaya Police are to increase their efforts to stamp out illegal guns in the wake of the recently held election by setting up more checkpoints around the city. Actually, t
  13. Patrick and John, two of the former owners of U Too Bar, left there to open Club Blu. They've both since moved on from Club Blu as well.
  14. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more Funtown fantasies and freaky frolics. And a few tales to boot. Here they are. Well, the local press seems to be replete with tales of dozy, gullible Indian, Russian and Iranian pillocks getting drugged and robbed by their pay as you go companions. It's no wonder that blokes with more than two brain cells can't get a decent shag when they have to compete with these witless cretins. Pattaya Tourist Police arrested a dozen or so illegal immigrants last week, along with two other chaps who turned out to be fake government officials with for
  15. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our midsummer madness edition full of…well, same as usual. Here it is. A South Pattaya pharmacy has been shut down by police after it was found to be selling unlicensed sex enhancement drugs. The offences came to light after a tourist discovered that the Viagra tablets he had bought from them were in fact laxative pills. "It was terrible" he told police "I didn't know whether I was coming or going". An English fellow was arrested by Pattaya Immigration Officers the other Tuesday after his shop on Third Road was raided and
  16. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to a moistened Monkeywatch as we blow-dry another Songkran into the dustbin of history. Video evidence would suggest that it was Bangkok that put the tit into titillating this year, but anyway, on to local matters. Police who carried out a raid on an address in Sukhumvit Road discovered a cache of no less than 212,000 shotgun cartridges hidden on the premises. The owner claimed that the ammunition was fully licensed and the raid was just another case of the police shooting themselves in the foot. So now they can presumably only charge him with possess
  17. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month's surf on the tsunami of Sodom (not forgetting Gomorrah) that we know as Fun City. Well, the Pattaya Music Festival came and went with precious few reports of the gang fights, drunkenness, drug taking, vandalism and all the usual stuff we've come to associate with this happy annual gathering. Don't know what's the matter with people these days. No sense of tradition. Never mind, there's always Songkran. One little side story to emerge was that 300 CCTV cameras were repaired in time for the Music Festival. Makes you wonder how many we
  18. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another plunge into the hot tub of hedonism that goes by the name of Pattaya. Best appendage forward. A tourist from Kuwait had a nasty shock the other Saturday when he returned to his hotel room in South Pattaya to discover that his safe had been stolen. Police investigating the incident believe it may have been the work of thieves. A police spokesman said "Our vast experience in this area of crime has taught us that when items such as this are stolen, it is usually thieves who are responsible". The investigation continues. Police were called
  19. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another look through our bloodshot eyeballs at the latest deeds of darkness in the Devil's dominion. Well, the big shock horror news of the last month must surely be that Pattaya Beach may vanish within five years. Christ on a bike, those bloody Thais will nick anything if it isn't nailed down, and beaches are particularly tricky buggers in that respect. Actually, the biggest surprise is that they haven't blamed it on climate change. They must be saving that one to blame for the increase in beer prices. Still, at least it'll get rid of the jet-s
  20. Greetings Monkeywatchers, a Happy New Year to you all, and welcome as we embark on our sixth year of bringing you the month's news stories through a different pair of spectacles. A Thai bloke had a bit of a nasty experience a couple of weeks ago when his wife bit his dick off during a 'domestic dispute'. His luck didn't improve when she then proceeded to stab him to death, though perhaps it was just as well, as being in Pattaya without a dick would have been a bit like being in Afghanistan without a gun. Just to even things out gender-wise, a Thai woman was stabbed to death by her h
  21. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our Cool Yule edition where we once again remember the story of the Nativity, which taught us that even wise men don't know shit about buying presents for kids. The big issue of the month has been licensing hours for bars, which now seem to be changing on a daily basis. First news was in a local newspaper that said bar owners are pushing Pattaya to extend closing times. Fair enough, but wouldn't it be more useful to extend opening times? The next story was that some Pattaya bars might be permitted 24 hour opening during the high season. T
  22. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to another trek around the titillations of Thailand's tinsel town. In the recent police mini-crackdown on Beach Road freelancers, it was suggested that targeting the customers was the way to solve the problem. Well, here's a better idea. Do more to encourage the customers, because when every freelancer on Beach Road has a customer, then there aren't any girls on Beach Road. Problem solved, everybody happy, job done. Eleven people were hurt at the Sunbeam Hotel in Central Pattaya last week when their lift threw a wobbler and plumme
  23. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to this month's voyage to the bottom of the barrel. Well, TAT are no doubt celebrating their outstanding contribution to Pattaya as they've finally managed to fill the place with the kind of 'quality tourists' they've always fallen over themselves to attract – punters with even less money than the Thais. Everywhere you go now you're surrounded by rouble-less Russians, cheapskate Chinese, impecunious Indians and potless Pakistanis. There's even a rumour going round that they've been given their own website, cheapcunts
  24. The music and the volume suit the venue perfectly. Keep them as they are.
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