monkeyman

Hopefully to be followed by the cretinous louts that have started to invade Pattaya every high season.

I hear that the British Government is now selling tickets for the dance to be held on his grave.

Isn't that Harris Black?

If you were listening to Enya I wouldn't think you'd need the diazepams.

Point made and taken. Inaugural visit coming up.

Would your field of journalism have any bearing on this situation, perchance?

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another plunge into the murky depths of Pattaya pondlife. Here we go then. There’s been a bit of controversy lately about the increasing number of bars charging entrance fees to non-farangs. This is apparently because such people are classed as undesirables, though coughing up the asking price of up to 600 baht somehow seems to magically transport them upwards to a more hallowed level on the desirability ladder. Elsewhere on the bar scene, VooDoo briefly became VooDon’t as the place was blacked out for a while. It’s now reopened, though you’l

I heard that too. Guess we'll only be able to go there for breakfast now.

Right and double right. Surely the real issue isn't how much you spend but what you get for your money. If you're getting a good deal at any price then you aren't overpaying. Stand on me, my son.

We were evicted from our cardboard box....

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the third year of our epic mission to boldly go where no mag has gone before. There was a bit of a ruckus at the Pattaya Elephant Village the other week when an elephant went berserk after suddenly becoming sexually aroused for no apparent reason. A local vet had to be called in to relieve the animal’s condition, though after telling police he was glad to lend a hand he was promptly arrested and placed on the sex offenders’ register. A German tourist had his mobile phone nicked on Beach Road a few days ago by what was described in the press as

The seating plan suggests that it'll be the same layout as the 777 apart from having more Economy Class seats. I was surprised that they put Economy seats in the upper level though.

Glad you liked it.

Nong Nooch, if you don't mind waiting till later for the dinner.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to Christmas at Fun City, when you won’t even get a room in a stable unless you booked three months in advance. Right, off we go. The Tiffany Show Theatre on Second Road recently hosted the 4th Annual Miss International Queen Final, which is basically a bunch of poofs from 24 different countries dressing up as tarts and poncing up and down a stage for a few hours. Guess this must be the sort of good wholesome family entertainment they’re always telling us that Pattaya should be putting on. While we’re on the subject, a katoey from Laos was arrest

You get turned on by a BG moaning cos some bloke only gave her 500 baht for a LT?

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more virulent verbiage and venomous vitriol as we venture victoriously into the once verdant village that is now the vigorous and vibrant Pattaya. Hugo Weaving, eat your bloody heart out. Right, here’s a few fireworks. Firstly, in a shameless piece of self-publicity, Monkeywatch is pleased to announce its inclusion in the pages of the Walking Street Journal, a newly launched publication available absolutely free from various moderately disreputable establishments around the Pattaya area. Apologies to those of you who are reading Monkeywatch in said

It should be directly underneath the URL option.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another dollop of essential information for bawdy boardies and trendy tourists. Well, Fun City seems to be awash with newbies at the moment for some reason. You know the sort, all “Patt-eye-a” and “Core coon crap”, and giving everybody a wai which, roughly translated, means that they aren’t fit to clean the shoes of a shoe cleaner. You’ve got to love them though, haven’t you? No, you’re right, you bloody well haven’t. Tossers. There’s a rumour going round that Alcazar is to host a performance by the transsexual tribute artist Katoey Stevens to

You're welcome, milord. Very impressed with the first issue. Keep up the good work.

Brits don't have ID cards (yet).

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another cracking crackdown crackerjack of a time in No Fun City. Yes, the boys in brown have been on a rampage round the bars yet again in a further attempt to rid Pattaya of the scourge of tourism. A police spokesman said that they took the tourist threat very seriously and were making steady progress towards locating the notorious tourist group, Alky-Idiots, and their charismatic leader, Osingha bin Lager, who is believed to be holed up in a place known as The Cave. The spokesman added that the police were committed to preventing a repeat of

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tales from the land of wallies and vomit. We begin with the unusual story of the Welshman who died at Llandough Hospital in Wales just weeks after being stung by a scorpion in a Thai jungle. The moral of this story is that you’re safer in a Thai jungle than a British hospital. And none of the newspapers reported the scorpion’s side of the story either. Typical media bias. The police have finally owned up to the fact that they’ve got absolutely no way of stopping freelancers from congregating on Beach Road, and have admitted that they’ve r

Aw, c'mon, the place is a bloody dump.