monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another helping of Pattaya patter as we await the arrival of the dreaded wet season, otherwise known as Songkran. Right, let’s get down to it. There was a bit of a panic the other week in Sattahip when a rubbish collector’s shed caught fire and it spread to 30 wooden houses and a whisky warehouse. Police attending the scene were relieved to report that there were no significant casualties as all the bottles of whisky had been successfully recovered from the charred remains of the village and its population. A couple of weeks ago, a German tourist was found dead in his deckchair looking out to sea. Apparently, he’d been dead for eight hours before anybody noticed. Not sure whether that says more about Germans or Thai deckchair attendants. The local Health Authority claims that there’s an increasing obesity problem in Pattaya due to people driving rather than walking. They may have a point… It’s been reported that monkeys have been catching buses to and from markets where they go to steal food. Very strange. Actually, it might be interesting to know whether they pay 5 or 10 baht on the bus. Then again, it might not. A rubbish tip in Na-Jomtien has been invaded by vast numbers of birds that have decided to settle there so they can feed on the tasty titbits in the refuse. Interestingly, they seem to be ignoring the discarded boxes of Mc Donalds, Pizza Hut and KFC in favour of the abundant supply of worms on the site. All those birds can’t be wrong, so next time you fancy some fast food, get yourself a wormburger. You know it makes sense. A local bar was recently selected by a Dutch company as the venue for the launch of its new novelty sex toy… The ASEAN summit of Asian leaders due to take place from April 10-12 has been switched from Phuket to Pattaya. This is supposedly because of a lack of available hotel rooms in Phuket…or maybe a lack of something else? There’s been the usual shake-ups to the bars, though mainly bad news this month. Hell Club has closed for the time being, and Utopia in the ill-fated Soho Square has also shut its doors, though word has it that a reopening under new management is imminent. Ice Bar in LK Metro has done a spectacular U-turn and reverted back to being a coyote bar. Oh, and Legs A Go Go has been reduced to half its former size. Perhaps they should rename it Douglas Bader A Go Go. Some hotels in Pattaya are offering a new service for some of their more energetic patrons – condoms on a roll… A shirtless tattooed Slovakian slaphead (try saying that when you’re pissed) was arrested by police last week after being seen staggering along Sukhumvit Road waving his passport in the air. He then smashed a car window with his head and fell flat on his face, where he proceeded to thrash around and chuck handfuls of banknotes around while making unintelligible grunting sounds. After a struggle, police managed to capture him and take him to Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital, where he is reported to be undergoing treatment for a severe case of the Brits. Finally, back to Songkran, and in case anybody hasn’t already heard, the proposed alcohol ban for this period has been rejected by the National Committee for Alcohol Consumption Control. So if you’re planning a visit, all you have to worry about now is fighting your way through the hordes of whatever coloured shirts happen to be blockading the airport this time. be seeing you monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another dollop of Pattaya prattle straight from the horse’s mouth…. well okay, the monkey’s mouth. Right, off we go. The story of the moment just has to be the new proposal by City Hall to extend the width of the entire length of Beach road by 18 metres and possibly make it two way. This innovative idea could be of great benefit as it would give motorists a choice of two traffic jams to get stuck in after they’ve enjoyed a day relaxing on the remaining six inches of beach. A couple of Wednesdays ago, a bloke turned up at Banglamung Police Station to visit an imprisoned friend and was found to have loads of drugs stuffed in his pockets. His name, appropriately enough, turned out to be Atit, and the police have very kindly agreed to extend his visiting time by a couple of years. If you’re planning to visit Nong Nooch in the near future, be sure to give whatever shit these out a VERY wide berth… There was a strange incident at Bangkok Pattaya Hospital the other Friday when a woman who had been pronounced dead was unexpectedly spotted moving around under the sheet. As this kind of behaviour is generally considered to be inconsistent with death, the doctor reconsidered his initial diagnosis and decided she was alive after all. Shows you what a good doctor he is. A chappie from Brunei had a bit of a shock the other Monday when he returned to his apartment in South Pattaya to discover it had been burgled. He told police he was surprised to be targeted, as he was considered to be a poor man in his country, and was therefore relieved that the thieves only escaped with the 300,000 baht of loose change he had forgotten about in the back pocket of one of his spare pairs of trousers. We recently heard a story that a Chinaman had disappeared after falling foul of the Pattaya Mafia. Well, if he had a hard on at the time I think we might have found him… There was another crime story from last Tuesday involving a woman travelling on a bus to Rayong being allegedly raped by the driver, but we’ve got our doubts. I mean, how would he have been able to collect the fares at the same time? Not much worth reporting on the bar situation this month. Sakura Club 69 and Pinky Girl A Go Go have closed down but, to redress the balance of depravity, Counter Soho has opened in Soho Square and X-Zone 2 is finally with us, having taken over the old Taboo place in the Covent Garden Complex on Soi 16. Deep joy…with any luck. We’d just like to point out that the rumour that John Cleese had been seen in a bar in Soi Buakhow the other Friday is completely untrue. Though it was indeed a long python, it was of the five foot snake variety and had escaped from a construction site, though what the hell it was doing there in the first place remains a mystery. Inspired by the popular `Spot The Ball` competitions, Pattaya is pleased to announce the launch of `Spot The Tits`… The annual Cobra Gold exercises have been carrying on as usual, with a simulated chemical attack being staged at Sattahip Navy Base. The event was a great success and the organisers made a particular point of thanking the local restaurants for providing such a convincing supply of simulated chemical weapons. Finally, instead of banning alcohol over Songkran to reduce road deaths, why not ban the cars and bikes and reduce the figure to nil? Or better still, ban Songkran altogether and give us all us miserable old gits a bloody break. I’ll buy that for a dollar. be seeing you monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome as we eat our bowls of Credit Crunchies and take a look at how Fun City is carrying on during this recession thingy. The month’s big news event in Pattaya was the opening of the magnificent new Central Festival shopping mall on Beach Road. People have been flocking from all over to witness this spectacular sight, one bar girl even describing it as the most impressive erection she’d ever witnessed - high praise indeed. Mind you, it’s not quite finished yet as they’ve still to attach the trunk and paint it white. A brand spanking new set of traffic lights has been installed on the Sukumvit Road in Central Pattaya in an attempt to improve the flow of traffic in the area. Large numbers of people are expected to benefit from this imaginative scheme, mainly scrap dealers and undertakers. Here we see a gentleman exhibiting that famous traditional Thai artefact, the “Tlay Of Clap”… Following a police reconstruction of a 5 million baht ATM robbery in Jomtien, local officers are now frantically trying to recover the total of 10 million baht which is now missing. The other Monday, police were called to an Exchange Booth on Second Road after staff reported that a Pakistani man had attempted to exchange counterfeit UK bank notes. The man was arrested but later released without charge when he pointed out that on current exchange rates the fake notes were actually worth more than real ones. One of the many sights that must not be missed when visiting Pattaya is “The Tomb Of The Unknown Sunbather”… There’s been a bit of activity on the bar scene as usual. Kitten Club on Pattayaland 2 is currently closed, Absolut Club on Soho Square has also shut its doors and Spicy Girls A Go Go has finally called it a day after 10 years. It’s not all bad news though. First A Go Go has opened on Soi 8 and the appalling Republika Disco on Walking Street has been closed down by the Boys In Brown because of the noise. Well it sure as hell wasn’t music. The week before last saw the staging of the Pattaya Chinese New Year Festival at Bali Hai Port. A variety of festivities were on offer, including a Miss Chinese Girl Beauty Contest, which caused some confusion amongst the local population as the contestants were actually girls. Pattaya authorities have once again shown their determination to stamp out thefts on Beach Road with the installation of this new ultra high tech surveillance camera…oh shit… A couple of weekends ago, a Korean tourist was arrested for using a fake credit card at an opticians in South Pattaya. The man was found to be carrying a total of 14 fake cards, but as the optician told police that he had double vision, they charged him with possession of 28 of the buggers. In an attempt to promote better health among the womenfolk of Pattaya, they are to be offered free screening for cervical cancer, though opposition politicians have dismissed it as a government smear campaign. Finally, if you still don’t know how much you should pay for a baht bus, the answer is 10 baht, or 20 baht if it’s low mileage and comes with a warranty. be seeing you monkeyman

Personal experience, coupled with the current strength of the baht. I didn't think too much about the figure I used but I'd reckon it to be about right at the moment.

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and a Happy New Year to one and all (except for that bastard in the corner shop who short-changed me last week). Anyway, here we go again into another fun-packed year of merriment and mayhem. As you all know unless you haven’t been paying attention in class, Thailand has yet another new Prime Minister. As one Thai chap enthusiastically proclaimed, “We change our Prime Ministers as often as we change our underwear”. So that would be about once a year then. A Don’t Drink and Drive Parade was held on Beach Road just before Christmas to remind people of the perils they might face over the festive period. Banners were held aloft to persuade people not to drink and drive, unless of course they were using one of Thailand’s new hands-free drinking kits that allow imbibers to drink their bottle of whisky through a tube and thus keep both hands on the wheel and drive safely. Not to be outdone by Italian and German supercars, Pattaya is proud to unveil its own 16-cylinder dream machine… There’s been a bit of a stir created by the revelation that there’s a lot of fake 1000 baht notes kicking about at the moment. One chap who was caught by police using them to buy a Rolex watch claimed he was innocent of any crime as the watch was fake as well. Both he and the vendor are currently helping police with their truncheon practice. If you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution to learn to speak Thai, consider this. Do you really want to know that when your tilac was whispering sweet nothings in your ear she was actually saying “I hope they drop off and roll down a drain”. You’d have to have bloody long arms to reach all the way up there… As usual, there’s been a few changes on the bar front. Bad Cats on Second Road has followed Ice Bar in giving up the Club Blu clone bit and is now known as the Fall In Love Club. Easyriders in North Pattaya has closed and is rumoured to be the new site for the popular U Too Bar. A new Go Go called Betty Boum has opened on the old Spicy Girls site on Pattayaland 1. Oh, and Walking Street has a new disco called Republica. Yeah, I thought you’d be pleased. For anybody who’s interested, it’s been announced that the Pattaya International Mardi Gras Festival will be taking place on 23 January. For those unfamiliar with the event, it’s just another excuse for a bunch of poofs to dress up as women. Pattaya continues to display its proud heritage with this exquisite sculpture of a girl riding on a cock… There’s been a few questions from newbies recently about how much spending money they need per day in Pattaya. Well, a ballpark figure is about 10,000 baht, which will probably be worth about £3000 by the time you read this, or £4000 if you’re a slow reader. On Christmas Day, police attended a road accident in Jomtien in which the brakes on an ice truck had failed and it had ploughed into a Jeep laden with wine and a Mazda pickup carrying several crates of soda water. The police later described the condition of the ice truck’s brakes as a recipe for disaster and the resultant collision as a recipe for a spritzer. be seeing you monkeyman

Doesn't look like much of a deal even at the discount rates.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, Merry Christmas and welcome as we speak to you from our bunker 500 feet below Bali Hai Pier as we watch events in the Land Of Smiles unfold. The biggest news of the month is that tourist arrivals to Bangkok airports dropped by an unseasonably large 100 per cent recently, even more than expected following the crackdown on Soi 6. This did not, of course, have any effect on tourism as for every tourist who couldn’t get into Thailand there was another who couldn’t get out. However, if you’re still apprehensive about making your next trip, we’ve heard that there are some great deals to be had on flights to Mumbai at the moment. Early in the week, police were called to Kow Mai Geow sub-district to investigate the corpse of a woman who had fallen head first into an open sewer. One of the attending officers suggested that the woman should be interred, to which a representative from the local sanitation department replied that she already was (think about it). Following the repossession of all the trees on Beach Road as reported in Monkeywatch last month, the council has now purchased a mobile tree that can be hired and wheeled to the location of your choice… Bar news includes the opening of Club Mirage in the old Shooters premises on Soi Diamond and the relocation of Insomnia to Walking Street. Good reports seem to be emanating from both establishments. There also seems to be a move from blue light to red light in Soi LK Metro as former Club Blu clone Ice Bar has covered its windows and turned into a Go Go. The astronomers among you may be interested in the phenomenon that was witnessed in Pattaya on Monday night, when the alignment of Venus and Jupiter caused an effect resembling a smiling face. If you were on holiday in Pattaya and missed it, don’t worry, as it will occur again in 2052 so you should have another chance to see it before your flight home arrives. This week also saw the start of the Pattaya worm-hunting season… Police were called on Sunday night after a bomb was found outside a shop on Soi Kow Noi 5. The device was defused by a visiting bomb disposal expert from Mumbai, a Mr ‘Boom’ Singh, who found a note attached to it addressed to the People’s Alliance for Democracy. Not sure what the note said but it probably wasn’t “Have a nice day”. Thai Environment Day was celebrated in Pattaya on December 4. Over 300 people took part in a bicycle ride, during which they collected rubbish from streets all around the city. Council workers are now clearing up 2000 beer cans, 1500 burger boxes and 500 gallons of urine left over from the party held to celebrate the event’s success. Pattaya once again leads the way with the launch of the world’s first disabled surfboard… All hell broke loose on Pattayaland 2 last week when a lost monkey ran through several shops and started slinging all the goods around. It eventually disappeared into a shoe shop and hasn’t been seen since. When questioned, shop owners said they hadn’t bothered reporting the incident as the monkey had behaved better than most of their customers. Finally, December 5 was of course the 81st birthday of His Majesty the King. To date, nobody has made any jokes about this… and we ain’t gonna be the first. Long live the King. be seeing you monkeyman

Very nice pictures, though there's been some staff changes since they were taken.

Nice to see you the other week when I dropped in with Tai. I'm very impressed with PBG. It's got to be Pattaya's biggest success story for some time.

Apologies for the gaffe. Now corrected.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to Loy Krathong as we all have fun floating our scrotes. Well, Pattaya’s still pretty quiet at the moment, apparently because the fear of being blown to buggery in the unrest around Bangkok has resulted in 80 per cent of Asian tourists deciding to stay away. This is believed to have caused Pattaya’s income from tourism to drop by a catastrophic two per cent. Things haven’t been helped by the fact that it’s been pissing down for the last fortnight, so if you’re planning a visit in the near future, make sure you get an umbrella. You can buy them for 100 baht from street vendors or from the Nohab Convenience Store, on a stand between the Kevlar condoms and the Rebecca Adlington comedy noses. Well thanks, but I think we’ll just stick with the barfine for now… There was a Russian bloke in Secrets the other night, a real ‘Mr Cool’, biceps, sunglasses on the top of his head, you know the sort. Walked in and got quite a reaction from the girls, then spent the next half hour chatting up the barman. Well, as they say in England, there’s nowt so queer as folk. Especially Russian folk, it would seem. Better still, there was a bloke spotted in Misty’s toilets last week having what one might politely describe as a solo short time in the Sherman Suite. Well the poor sod did have his girlfriend with him, so that was probably his lot for the night. They never learn, do they? The recent downturn in tourist income has left Pattaya unable to keep up the instalments on its new Beach Road trees, which have now sadly been repossessed… On the entertainment scene, the old Shooters Bar on Soi Diamond has closed and is shortly to reopen as Club Mirage, and several hamsters are now out of work following the closure of Top Girls on Soi 14. It’s been replaced by Illusions, a rather strange place which doesn’t seem to know whether it’s a Go Go or a nightclub. Or a complete waste of space. Nothing much to report on the music scene, other than Insomnia moving from Soi Marine Plaza to Walking Street, though it has been noted on a few Pattaya boards that the well-known children’s entertainer Gary Glitter is to receive £100,000 in royalties for the use of one of his songs in an advertisement. However, it isn’t true that he’s to record a new version of an on old Kate Bush hit entitled ‘The Man With The Child In His Flies’. Pattaya once again displays its pioneering spirit as it launches the world’s first motorised bamboo… As some of you lechers may be aware, the Miss Teen Thailand Competition, which visited Pattaya a couple of weeks ago, has now concluded. The prize for this year’s lucky winner is reputed to be a professional makeover of peroxide, chewing gum and tattoos, together with a complimentary chrome pole to allow her to train for her new profession. Finally, a fake police officer was arrested at Bali Hai Port last week after being found drunk by police patrolling the area. A spokesman later submitted this as positive evidence that the police were determined to crack down on counterfeit goods in Pattaya. be seeing you monkeyman

I'll be there.

I'll have some of that. See you there.

Nice one Paul.

Now that wanker Blair's finally resigned, perhaps the Met will be allowed to do some policing again instead of spending all their time attending health and safety lectures and talks on diversity.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome as we once again drill into the crevices of Fun City and give them a good filling. Just relax and open wide. The big news of the last month was of course the resignation of Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej after a court ruling that he had violated the constitution by presenting television cookery shows. Gordon Ramsay is reported to have gone into hiding. The recent political turmoil has also resulted in tourist numbers dropping by 70 per cent according to The Thai Tourism Services Association. They went on to outline several urgent actions that were needed to ease the situation, though the Banglamung police had already decided to lend a helping hand by raiding all the bars on Soi 6. A man who was overheard on the beach claiming to be an expert on pedal-powered boats has received an apology from the authorities after an unfortunate misunderstanding led to his arrest for being a pedalophile… Carrefour Shopping Centre had a visit from the police last week after security guards caught a Thai man shoplifting. He had stolen some face cream, a pair of shoes, a bumper sticker and an assortment of household implements. He told the police he needed the items but wouldn’t say what for, so they charged him with being a pervert as well as a shoplifter. Pattaya’s latest eco project is the building of a “crab condominium” to encourage breeding amongst the crab population which has been steadily diminishing of late. Local seafood businesses have welcomed the initiative, which is being promoted with the catchy slogan “If you want crabs, come to Pattaya”. Another marine project currently underway is the provision of artificial coral for the local marine life by submerging piles of old cement pipes. Chinese tour companies have strongly protested at this redeployment of their customers’ holiday accommodation, producing this photo as evidence of the money they’d already spent installing air conditioning and dining facilities… Not much news to report on the bar scene at the moment. The short life of Honey Girls A Go Go (Soi Honey Inn) seems to be over as it’s already up for sale. Bar 77 on Soi Yamoto has just been relaunched as Las Vegas A Go Go. Oh, and there’s a new place open on Soi 6 called Quicky Bar, though further comment seems pointless as the name and location have no doubt told you all you need to know. No exciting developments on the Pattaya music scene either. Still waiting to see what happens to the Lam Morrison(less) House Of Rock as there was some talk of a new musical direction for the place. If it involves booking more indie guest bands like Momokomotion and Assajan Jakawan then it could well be worth a visit. A bloke contacted us the other week claiming to have the biggest chopper in Pattaya. What do you reckon, girls? Police were called to Naklua Road the other Thursday to investigate a burglary in which a nurse had her valuables nicked. Following a tip-off that the burglar had a double-barrelled surname, police issued an arrest warrant for a Mr Shotgun. Finally, a Thai couple in Pattaya recently came up with a novel way of stopping their house being burgled. They surrounded it with small statues of deities, since which time their house has never been broken into, despite several neighbours being the victims of burglaries. The house owner said that the thieves would not proceed beyond his fence because they were frightened by the statues’ mystical powers. He later called the police to report that his fence had been stolen. be seeing you monkeyman

They were also determined to stamp out drugs and street crime. Nuff said?

Never liked silicone anyway.

Might provide some more lucrative targets for the muggers I suppose.

Adam Let me know when you've got some dates for your productions and I'll give them a plug in Monkeywatch.

For rock music, try Easyriders at the North end of 2nd Road near to Drinking Street.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome once more as we watch the sands of time having their deckchairs removed by Pattaya Council. Okay, on with the show. Police were recently called to South Pattaya to investigate reports of a bomb being found behind the Tamsamakee Temple. Explosives experts summoned to the scene confirmed that it was indeed a bomb, probably from the Indochina conflict of the 1940s, which had failed to detonate. The unexploded device has now been handed over to the military so they can locate the manufacturer and ask for their money back. On 10 August, 2,000 monks and 100,000 civilians assembled outside Pattaya City Hall to take part in the eagerly awaited mass merit-making ceremony. It was later reported that the bottom had fallen out of the merit market due to over supply. A seminar was held at Pattaya City Hall at the beginning of last month to educate pupils from 10 schools on what global warming is. They were later taken to a farm and shown a load of bullocks. Despite the crackdown on drugs in Pattaya, coke dealers can still be seen operating openly on Beach Road… If you’re a fan of Club Blu and its carbon copy, Ice Bar, two more blue-tinted clones have emerged in the form of Dream’s Bar on Soi 8 and Bad Cat on Second Road. You’ve gotta hand it to the boys in Blu, they’re shaping up to be the most imitated act since Elvis. Other new bars opening their doors include Air Port Club on Walking Street and 77 Bar on Soi Yamoto. Fancy yourself as the next Hendrix or Clapton? Then get your butt over to The Blues Factory in Soi Lucky Star, where aspiring rock and blues megastars can take part in jam nights once or twice a week. Just to put your minds at rest, we’re reliably informed that erstwhile Pattaya visitor Simon Cowell has been banned from the premises for life, presumably for crimes against humanity. Rumours that a hotel in Pattaya has been harbouring fugitives from justice have been strongly denied by the owner, though he did give us a friendly wave… Two Pattaya chaps, a shopkeeper and a garage owner, are claiming to be the inventors of a revolutionary new system that uses water for powering vehicles. Sorry fellers, but it’s been done already. It’s called a steam engine. Firefighters were called out to a huge fire three weeks ago at the Pattaya Cane Company, a furniture factory on Sukhumvit Road. The Indian manager, Mr Deep Doodu, said that all the furniture stocks had been completely destroyed, along with a new line of expensive suits they were planning to sell, though they were now offering a large selection of blazers and smoking jackets. The Friday before last, the Tourist Police arrested a bloke with a wooden penis after he whipped the offending article out of his pocket and thrust it at a Thai woman’s mouth. He turned out to be an Italian and not, as the police had first suspected, the former Nottingham Forest footballer Tony Woodcock. Pattaya is becoming more and more popular with trendy Russians these days, and their 4x4s are now becoming a regular sight on Beach Road… Thailand’s first observation satellite, THEOS, had its launch scrubbed for the third time on August 6. Apparently, they’re having difficulty finding a big enough milk bottle to launch it from. Police arrested a Thai chap on Third Road last week after he smashed up a phone booth. When questioned, he told the attending officers that the signal from the phone was disrupting his brain cells. His story was confirmed when further enquiries revealed that he was planning to get rich by opening a Go Go Bar. be seeing you monkeyman

They are now. Pete's fixed them.

Very good idea. All you need now is a printer who can spell Pattaya.

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome as we once more shine our torch up the rectum of Fun City and find…well, this. A Thai bloke was arrested the other Monday after being caught on CCTV stealing brass hose attachments to the value of 50,000 baht from the Royal Garden Plaza. When questioned by police, he explained that he needed the items to secure a length of hose to the inside of his boxer shorts as he was currently working as a Tom Jones impersonator in a local hotel. Walking Street has acquired a brand spanking new set of parking regulations, so now you can’t park on the left side of the street on even days and the right side on odd days. This idea was actually nicked from The Who, who told us in their song ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ that “a parking on the left is now a parking on the right, and the beers have all grown stronger overnight”. Pity they forgot to nick the last bit. Undesirable visitors to Pattaya seem to be coming from further and further afield with reports coming in of little green men threatening tourists with their sophisticated extraterrestrial weaponry… And now, a strange story. Nongprue Municipality is reportedly cleaning out some of its water tanks in order to beat droughts in the remote areas that they serve. So how does that work then? Is tank cleaning the Thai version of a rain dance? And now, an even stranger story. Did you hear about the monk who was found by police in a Pattaya hotel room stark bollock naked and performing some kind of black magic ritual over the genitalia of an equally naked middle-aged woman? Well, it really happened. That’s why you didn’t read about it in the tabloids. Nice to see that at least one of the girls who worked at the old Amazon A Go Go has found another job… A police raid last Saturday night on Sunee Plaza, or Poofs’ Paradise as it’s known locally, netted a total of 80 underage bar workers, including a 15 year old boy working as a dancer and a skinny 8 year old working as a toothpick. On the music scene, we’re sad to report that Elvis has left the Boathouse following the death on July 19 of ‘Elvis’ Ballard, the much loved Elvis impersonator who was well known for his performances at the Captains Corner Restaurant and the Jomtien Boathouse. As a result, a special Elvis Tribute Night is being organised. Hang on, shouldn’t that be an Elvis Tribute Tribute Night? Now that MP3 players have been with us for a while, it’s easy to forget how much more compact they are than the previous generation of players available in Pattaya… Not many movers and shakers worth reporting on the bar scene this month. A new coyote bar called Ice has opened in Soi LK Metro on the site of the defunct Gorkle Club A Go Go, and Angels A Go Go on Walking Street has finally run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. Yeah, we were gutted too(!) Last Saturday night, the boys in brown arrested a bloke in the Nong Bow Restaurant and charged him with impersonating a police officer. Apparently, he’d gone into the restaurant claiming to be an officer of the law and demanded free food and booze, so the owner called the police and had him arrested. We’re still trying to work out what gave him away, as it sounds like a faultless performance to us. Besides, there was a bloke in a karaoke bar over the road impersonating Freddie Mercury and he didn’t even get a ticking off. be seeing you monkeyman