monkeyman

Yes, this seems to be the most likely cause. I've had this happen as well.

Liverpool? I was thinking more Birmingham - claretnblue being Aston Villa.

For good IFE you can't beat EVA. State of the art system in all classes.

Everyone I ask says I'm very good looking. But then I'm very careful who I ask.

No, that was Cherry Bar Too. The original Cherry Bar is on Soi 8 on the right hand side if you're coming from the Beach Road end.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome as the shutters come down on this month’s early closing edition of Monkeywatch. Time gentlemen please. Well, the glorious August 12 saw the start of the British grouse shooting season, closely followed two days later by the start of the Thai foot shooting season when somebody decided that it would be a wizard wheeze to have a crackdown on bar closing times just when the Tourist Authority of Thailand is trying to regenerate the country’s ailing tourism industry. So there they were at 3am, hordes of police and military types swarming over the streets of the city closing all the bars and clubs. Still, if tourists will insist on stirring up trouble by spending money and having a good time, what else can they expect? And if that wasn’t enough, a television crew was invited along to film the whole shebang just to make absolutely sure everyone on the planet got the message that Pattaya is the last place on earth you’d want to go for a holiday. You just couldn’t make it up, could you? After this had dragged on for a few days, a deputation of 300 or so pissed off bar owners went up to City Hall to plead for longer opening hours, but were told by officials that the laws of temporal physics dictated that an hour could not be longer than 60 minutes. They may have a point. Police are seeking two men following an incident at the Feung Foo Mansion in Banglamung on August 11 after it was found that money had been stolen from communal washing machines situated in the building. A police spokesman said that the men had been captured on security cameras and advised them to give themselves up, adding that they would be treated leniently as long as they promised not to make any crap jokes about money laundering or clean getaways. If you’re planning on going to Beach Road, we recommend that you avoid snorkelling in the wet cement… This month sees the launch of the so-called “Pattaya Grand Sale” so we’ve offered 100 baht for the place as we reckon we can probably sell it on and double our money when the recession ends. Fire units were called to the Zahrat Alkhaleg Middle Eastern Restaurant in South Pattaya the other Wednesday after the place was reported to have been blown up by a suicide food critic. The establishment was severely gutted (as was the owner), but customers who managed to salvage bits of charred food from the burning wreckage said it had never tasted so good. The infamous Red Shirts held a protest outside City Hall on Wednesday despite having signed an agreement not to take action that would do even more damage to Pattaya’s ailing tourist industry. Pity they couldn’t get the police to sign it as well. The Pattaya Women’s Guild is busy preparing the site for their production of ‘Lawrence Of Arabia’… Bar news next, though not much to report. A new gaff called Moulin Rouge has just opened on Walking Street, which will be of great interest to the discriminating punter looking for premium rate East European ladies - so that’s nobody at all then. Cherry Bar Too has closed, so you’ll have to go to the Soi 8 original if you want to get ‘Hammered’. Oh, and Coyotee’s was raided again, but that’s hardly news these days. A Thai chappie turned up at Banglamung Hospital one afternoon a couple of weeks back after his wife slashed him with a knife following a domestic dispute. He declined to reveal the precise nature of the attack, though hospital staff were able to draw their own conclusions after the man produced his willy from his coat pocket and handed it over to a somewhat startled nurse. Here we see worshippers at the local KFC temple… Police arrested a Thai man last Tuesday morning after he was caught walking naked down the centre of Sukumvit Road. When questioned, the man explained that he had been waiting for the sun to come out as he’d been told that Pattaya was the place to go for Dongtan. Reports came in from tourists last Friday that a long stretch of Pattaya beach was covered in rubbish, which appeared to have been washed up by the tide. Well, we always reckoned it would be a mistake to convert that floating seafood restaurant into a takeaway. Finally, a genuine first report of a true story - really. On Friday August 21, police officers were called after a farm worker found a number of farang body parts strewn around a field which turned out to be bits of a missing German. Police have not ruled out suicide at this point. You just can’t follow that with anything. be seeing you monkeyman

Not sure about the older rooms in Sabai Lodge but Sabai Wing has wifi for sure.

Must be. Even New York only managed twice.

I was wondering about that too.

Closer than he would have wished for, presumably.

They like boredom and humiliation. That's why they enjoy our company so much.

Well I sure as hell ain't travelling 12000 miles and back just to buy her a fuckin' drink.

Yes. Just spotted that.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s toe into the pool that’s Patts. Hold on to your hats. There was a bit of excitement in Jomtien last Monday when it was reported that there had been a 100,000 baht fire in View Talay 1. Sounds like the residents there really do have money to burn. The weekend before last saw the streets of Pattaya being graced by none other than a former Prime Minister who visited Walking Street for a short time, though if that’s what he was after he’d have been better off visiting Soi 6. There was a police raid on an address in South Pattaya last week after a tip off that illegal gambling was taking place on the premises. They arrested 11 people and what appeared to be several stolen ID cards belonging to the same family. Police are currently attempting to locate Mr Bun the Baker and his family so their ID cards can be returned to them. Safe sex is always encouraged in Pattaya. Just be careful you don’t slam your dick in the door… Brits in the London area had a treat at the beginning of the month in the form of a two-day Thai festival in Greenwich Park. Reports say that the whole thing was a complete cock up from start to finish, which at least shows that the organisers went to a lot of trouble to make it feel authentic. Airlines in the UK have decided to impose a ban on you flying if, in their opinion, you are showing symptoms of swine flu such as sweating, high body temperature or showing signs of anxiety. They will, however, let you fly if you can provide another explanation for why you are displaying these symptoms. Like being a suicide bomber perhaps? Looks like Royal Garden Plaza is serious about getting tough with shoplifters… A few changes to report on the bar scene. K A Go Go has knocked another nail in the coffin of Soho Square by closing down, and Club Mirage in Soi Diamond is another recent casualty. Mind you, these little setbacks have been counterbalanced by the opening of Sin City A Go Go and the reopening of Sakura Club 69. As the old saying goes, you just can’t keep a good club down (or a bad one, apparently.) It was reported the other Thursday that a woman in Nongprue had trapped her hand in her meat grinder and damaged two of her fingers. And there was us thinking it only made you go blind. In the interests of sex equality, Pattaya is introducing some new attractions for the ladies… A 15-year-old Thai lad was knocked unconscious by an elephant last week after he tried to feed it some watermelon. Now even for a gourmet elephant that’s just plain bad manners. Finally, here’s the result of the Maprachan Reservoir Fun Run which took place on July 23. Everybody drowned. be seeing you monkeyman

Thread title?

I know it's a crap beer but there's no need to ban it.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this belated edition of Monkeywatch after a lightning strike frazzled most of our electronic jiggery-pokery. Thankfully, things are pretty well back up and running now so, without further ado, here’s this month’s offering. Well, the topic of the moment has got to be the good old swine flu epidemic. Pattaya has obviously done its bit to deal with the problem as there wasn’t a pig to be seen on the streets last night. Some guy has been asking what it would take to open a top class four-star restaurant in Pattaya. Well, more money than sense is the first answer that springs to mind. Look’s like Walking Street’s packed with scrubbers in the daytime now as well… Did you see that British Airways asked their staff to work for free for a month? Still more than the useless buggers are worth if you ask us. They’ll probably spend the whole month on strike. Strange tale of the month has to be the German bloke who died on Soi 6 after swallowing his false teeth. Well, it’s got to be a step up from eating German food. Nearly as strange was the Brit who ran into the sea the other Sunday night to avoid paying his bar bill. It didn’t work though, as he was dragged out of the cold water and now he’s in hot water with the police. An archaeological dig working in Pattaya claim to have unearthed the remains of a long-extinct species. They believe it was called the holidaymaker… Reports say that skeletal remains have been washed up on the beach at Jomtien. Dem bones dem bones dem wet bones? The big story on the bar scene just has to be the closure of Jenny Star Bar. However, players of the pink oboe will be pleased to hear that another bar owner is talking about taking it over, and we’ve heard that she’s a nice feller. Have you seen that Thai bird who appears on Pattaya local TV to teach farangs one word of Thai every day? Well, one good turn deserves another, so Monkeywatch is proud to present its very own English class for Thais and other interested parties. This month’s word is barbecue – the place where you wait your turn for a haircut. This sign has been causing some confusion to tourists who think it’s an advert for the new film ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Cut Ponce’… The word is that Britney Spears is planning to hire an entire Thai resort for a little bash she’s holding. Don’t worry, it’s not Pattaya – not enough blokes I guess. Finally, a thought for the day. You know you’re getting old when you notice you’ve been short-changed in a Go Go. be seeing you monkeyman

The pissed up old slapper should have her passport confiscated.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s poke at Pattaya’s peccadilloes. Let us begin. The other Friday, an event strangely titled “5 Region Thai Travel Fest @ Season of the East” was opened on Pattaya Beach. It was apparently some kind of celebration of Thai culture, which would explain why local businesses had stocked up with chrome poles and bananas. A couple of weekends ago, the Pattaya police conducted an undercover operation which resulted in the arrest of three people and the seizure of a quantity of Class 1 drugs. This was rumoured to have caused great upset to Class 1 who had pooled their pocket money to buy the stuff from a bloke at the school gates. The Tourist Board’s attempts to give Pattaya a more upmarket image seems to be paying off with the arrival of yet another coach load of quality tourists… It was poofs on parade time again in Pattaya on May 15 when the grand final of the 2009 Miss Tiffany Universe Competition took place at the Tiffany Show Theatre (where else). Still, no worse than British television, which hosted a national talent competition at about the same time and the best they could come up with for a winner was a bunch of bloody dwarf hurlers. At the beginning of the month, Tourist Police swooped on South Pattaya and rounded up a number of Uzbekistani ladies of the night and took them to the police station for further questioning. Can’t believe it’s a year since the Chief’s last birthday party. Doesn’t time fly? Here we see the view which inspired the 70s hit record “Thai A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Soaked Tree”… The month of May saw the start of new school year in Pattaya, with all the tears and tantrums that it brings from the children. And from us after one of the little bastards stuffed jelly into our letterbox. Yet another dick biting story to report, this time involving a Belgian chappie who allegedly upset his Thai girlfriend by shagging a few dozen other ladies on the side, so she decided to dismember his member by biting it off. The statements they made to the police didn’t quite match, as he claimed she bit off an inch off his organ but she denied she’d bit it in half. The case continues. There’s been a spot of bar reshuffling as normal. Coyotee’s on Soi Marine Plaza and Mandarin Club on Soi 6 have reopened, and Club Sin City is the latest Go Go to try its luck in the Covent Garden Complex on Soi 16. Unfortunately, the sin element seems to be confined to the price of the drinks. The current world recession has unfortunately resulted in plans for Pattaya’s new International Conference Centre having to be scaled down a bit… A Brit was arrested by police the other Tuesday after being caught stealing a bag of grapes from Tops Supermarket so he could tread them to make his own wine. He offered police a sample from his last attempt but they weren’t impressed and suggested he took his socks off next time. Finally, there was a crowd of people in Bangkok last week waving placards proclaiming ‘Free Aung San Suu Kyi’. Don’t know what it is, but if it’s free you can put us down for half a dozen. be seeing you monkeyman

She keeps comin' back eh Adam? Happy Birthday Lin

Pete, have you ever had a BAD idea? You've done it again mate. Great pitch.

There is a Bobby Friedman working for the BBC and he does have Belfast connections. All you gotta do now is to figure out if the OP is really him.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome as we embark on our fourth year of bringing you the news you couldn’t give a shit about. Come to think of neither could we. Anyway, here’s some more. Well, the first significant event from the last month was the State Of Emergency in Patts after the invasion of the Red Shirts knocked the ASEAN summit on the head. Actually, the most disturbing facet of this was the emergence of a new group, the blue shirts, as that’s one more colour you can’t wear any more without risking getting bashed over the head with a blunt instrument. There was even a rumour that The Blues Factory was going to play it safe by changing its name to The Greens Factory (it was allegedly going to be The Blacks Factory until they got a phone call from the Ku Klux Klan). There’s a rumour going round that one of the farang Tourist Police Volunteers was recently involved in sting operation to ensnare Russian and Uzbekistani ladies of easy virtue who were plying their trade on Walking Street. If it’s true, the ladies’ employers obviously haven’t had a word with him yet as his horse’s head still seems to on the horse rather than on his pillow. Looks like there’s yet another new political movement in town – the Blue Towels… A guy in Pattaya was recently overheard asking why the girls say “Up to you” so often. Well sir, a rough translation would be “I don’t give a monkey’s bollock as long as you’re paying”. A husband and wife turned up at a Jomtien police station the other Wednesday to file complaints against each other after she tried to bite his dick off because he’d shagged her sister. The officers present refused to help the woman as they considered her to be more than capable of biting off her husband’s wedding tackle without police assistance. A man was arrested on Larn Island last week after being reported by local residents for various instances of theft, fraud, blackmail, extortion and assault. He was taken to Pattaya Police Station where he was charged with impersonating a police officer. As we all know, Pattaya’s a great place to come if you want to find yourself a real dish… It’s been reported that the Bully Convention 2009 which was due to take place in Jomtien on 2 May was cancelled after someone phoned up the organisers and threatened to ‘get them behind the bike sheds’ if it went ahead. There was a bit of a rumpus in Central Pattaya a couple of Thursdays ago after a refuse collector found a live grenade in a green rubbish bin. A council representative said that they were shocked to hear of this as every household had been sent a leaflet expressly instructing them to put all grenades into their black bins. As always, there’s a few movers and shakers on the bar scene. Hell Club is expected to reopen shortly as The Devil’s Den and will have Heaven’s Inn located next door, perhaps for the punters to repent their very recent sins. Activity on Soi 6 includes the opening of two new bars, Soho and Lisa’s, and the anticipated reopening of the Mandarin Club. Kitten Club on Pattayaland 2 has also reopened with the promise of “new water features” (perhaps a few bucketfuls to throw over the customers to keep them awake). The winner of this year’s annual Frog Trampling Contest on Beach Road has still not been declared as the judges are currently engaged in a second recount… The owner of Tiffany’s has been twittering on about the decline of “quality tourists” visiting Pattaya because he can’t get enough of them into his ladyboy shows. We’d put his problem down to a decline in the number of perverts. Finally, we can’t finish without mentioning the latest big tourist issue, swine flu. Some scientists are concerned that it might combine itself with bird flu and create an even deadlier virus. Yeah, and pigs might fly. be seeing you monkeyman

I hope that anyone who found the cash donated it to a good cause, preferably the Monkeyman Freedom From Thirst Fund.