atlas2

"Irish"

Great!

I've done the same in the distant past…….. I found too many problems with the street vendors…... So only bought from the shops in tuc kom. One by one they are disappearing too…….and the reason? Streaming and android boxes. My box cost 5000 bt I haven't bought a dvd since last October. and I've packed in my True visions package……..It's the way to go Jacko. Soon the dvd will go the way of VHS…….. Interestingly vinyl is coming back…….And because it's superior.

Zirko worked for me before….But he kept disappearing!

Jesus goes into a bar……..and orders a glass of water. A Screwdriver goes into a bar. The bartender says……"Hey we got a drink named after you" "You've got a drink called Ralph?"

I bumped into someone in Tescos yesterday……..He's one of those….mildly annoying, 'You don't want one of them you want one of these!' types. Well after going through my shopping and saying where I can get it all better and cheaper…..Saying what a waste of money my iPhone was…..He got onto Sunday lunches…….. Guess the one restaurant he was gushing about? I listened patiently…… "I go to a restaurant where I get 4 meats……4 yorkshires…..Tucked away…….No one knows about it…...etc' He went there last Sunday…….and he pulls out a photo of his plateful. I expected to see Evil in the background. With a final flourish he shows a photo of the same desert Evil had. Thing is he couldn't remember the name of the restaurant. "That's Valley View" I said. "You know it?" he says, his bumptiousness melting away "Of course" I lied. "Go there all the time" "Oh"he says……. dumbstruck. Thanks Evil!

Patna, Evil and Gabor walk into a bar……. The bartender says…."Is this some kind of a joke?"

Stephen Harkins rolls into a bar and orders a beer. "Ok" says the bartender......." I'll serve you a beer but don't get any big ideas"

A woman goes into a bar with a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "where did you get that pig?" "That's not a pig it's a duck you stupid idiot!" "I was talking to the duck."

A truck driver goes into a bar in the outback…….. Biggest joint in town. "What yer 'aving mate?" The guy throws $500 on the table and says,"Give me a burnt chop and the ugliest girl in the joint" "Mate for $500 you can 'ave a prime steak with all the trimmings and the best looking Sheila we got" "Na mate……..I'm not feeling horny just a bit homesick."

Bought a new Songkran shirt last week. Bought a small water-proof bag from a chandlers. Pair of Tevas Old shorts. I shall avoid most of the days but wholeheartedly play on the main one until about 4pm. I always enjoy it and always have a great sexual encounter somewhere. The girls, even in the afternoon are wet and drunk and excited…And with everybody leaving town they are hard-up and horny! There's a lot to be said for a cold wet rampage in a dingy room with a girl you haven't been formally introduced to.

Those closures mentioned are more than just sad news…They are about the only bars I visit….on my rare excursions. I'd always take friends, (here for the first time), to sample the 'ice-dispensers' in 'Xzone' Clarkson, Downton…..and now this!!

My posh aunty Carol was known as 'The airman's cockpit' during WWII.

Female pilots don't sit in 'cockpits'……..they are!!

Yes we all appreciate Mrs Gonzo for saving your bacon. About a week ago a mate called me to ask if I could come and help him pick up an Aussie stuck on the floor of his condo Somehow we crossed in the lift and when I got to the Aussie's room he was alone on the floor. He'd defecated on the bed and their was shit everywhere.. After a short conversation I went back to my room and got a cotton dressing gown and then picked up the wheel chair from reception. Just after I got back to the room my mate arrived. We got him up from the floor and put the dressing gown on him and then got him into the wheel chair. Others taxied him to Queen Sirakit. After about 4 days in the ICU we heard his bill was in the 100s of thousands. He was on life support and in a coma. Eventually the Aussie consulate deemed to involve itself after we used the, 'you have a duty of care' threat. As the situation stands his daughters have said the Drs can turn off life support if they think it's best. We contacted his brother who said he had no money and couldn't help.....the daughters have washed their hands. My friend and his Thai wife that got him to Queen Sirakit and felt responsible for the bill have been told by the Hospital there will be no charge. Credit to QS!

I like it how to renew your license you need to prove your address and to prove your address you just need to show them your old license…...

The husband of my 'Thai conversation' teacher was an artist in the side soi to Mike's I noticed he had one of these at home……….Obviously he was good at 'tracing' http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opaque_projector

Good stuff Rhino……….If I ever see a William Shatner look-a-like wearing a fedora I'll say hello. Note: If I'm wrong about the style of hat 'Necko' will correct me.

If 50 Shades had been written by a man……... At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I sighed as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen. ------------------- 'How do you feel about using toys in the bedroom?' she asked. 'Fine,' I said, 'But I can't see how we're going to fit a Scalextric in here!' ----------------------- Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave flow through it. I probably should've told her about the new electric fence. ---------------------- As I lay there on the floor, my naked body covered in treacle and whipped cream, I heard those inevitable words . .. 'Clean up required on aisle 3.' -------------------------- 'Are you ready to be tortured in a way only a woman can torture a man?' she asked. I nodded nervously. 'OK' she said and ate half my chips. ------------------------- She was at the bottom of the stairs. Frantically I tore off her dress, bra and knickers. My heart was racing but I just managed to close the wardrobe door before she entered the bedroom. ------------------------- 'Hurt me!' she begged, leaning over the dining table expectantly. 'OK,' I replied, 'Your turkey's too dry and your sprouts are overcooked.' ----------------------------- She leant over the kitchen table. 'Smack that bottom,' she squealed, 'Smack it hard!' 'I am,' I said, 'But the ketchup just won't come out.' ------------------------------ They asked me to smear their naked bodies with the produce from my herb garden but I just couldn't do it. Too many women, not enough thyme. ------------------------------ 'I'm your slave,' she said breathlessly, 'Make me feel completely helpless and worthless.' So I locked her in the shed and went to the pub. --------------------------------------- Her body trembled and shook. 'I can't wait any longer, do it now!' she cried 'OK,' I said and got the winter duvet from the cupboard'

I don't know if it was…... but now I assume it and all Irish sounding bars were…….. Oh the power of suggestion...

In keeping with Patts……..Here's a wonderful blow-job….. http://youtu.be/mLUvO2aCOO0

There's one in every crowd and on every corner it seems……. Guitarists have certainly raised their game since Bert Weedon was a god!!

In case you're not aware of it though i suspect you are…... They made an album together called 'Neck and Neck'………About half the songs on it are brilliant. This comedy routine is so good……."Chet…….you never gon'a get…….to play that wok and woll" Their guitars do the best talking. I prefer the record tracks as I can't look at Chet and not think George Bush.

Usual time? OK see you later……You turn for the whip.

Sackcloth and a good whipping!