Bar Humor

[VPI78 11,498]

[gs joe 1,776]

[VPI78 11,498]

[gs joe 1,776]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

[VPI78 11,498]

[gs joe 1,776]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

I hate it when grandma goes out.

[gs joe 1,776]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice willing to work long, hard hours.

He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil.

When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith.

[Bullfrog 2,224]

16 hours ago, midlifecrisis said:

I hate it when grandma goes out.

Try using more petrol ....

[VPI78 11,498]

SENIOR SEX 

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
 

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
 

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
 

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." 
 

[gs joe 1,776]

[yorta2 693]

[Broughton 497]

[VPI78 11,498]

Golf:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[Bushcraft 2,579]

#1130 reminds me of the old news headline back in the 1970s: The East German pole-vault champion is now the West German pole-vault champion. 

[VPI78 11,498]

A big law firm has been catching a lot of flak for not having enough women in their firm, so they decide to hire three women and make one of them partner. So the heads of the firm go out and find three female candidates. However, they needed a way to decide which one of them to make full partner. r>
So the lawyers get together and devise a test: they would overpay each woman by 5000 dollars on their next paycheck.

The first woman takes the check and says nothing.

The second woman takes the check, hands it back to the cashier and refuses to accept it.

The third woman takes the check and leaves, but then comes back with a check for 7500 dollars, saying she had a great stock tip, it paid off, so she was splitting the difference with the firm.

So which woman made partner?









The one with the biggest tits.

[gs joe 1,776]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[yorta2 693]

[yorta2 693]

[VPI78 11,498]

6 months old black Lab FREE to loving home. Friendly little thing but barks day and night 24/7.

If interested let me know and I'll jump over my neighbors' fence and get it for you.