Bar Humor

[teelack 9,645]

As your tag line indicates you're using Tapatalk, it's a reasonable assumption that is the app you're using to view this forum. On Pattaya Addicts the mods/admin have stated updates to the forum software, which is the same used on PT (Invision), have caused issues with Tapatalk. You'll need to report the issue to Tapatalk as the problem is with their app.

Thanks for that advice. My phone crashed on my way to Thailand and I guess that it makes sense that some of the reinstalled apps don't work as before.

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

A Maasai man walks into a bank in NAIROBI and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to DUBAI on business for four weeks and needs to borrow 5,000.

The bank officer tells him that bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the maasai manhands over the keys to a brand new Mercedes Benz S class 500 parked on the street in front of the bank. Produces the log book and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the maasai for using a KSH 15 Million Mercedes Benz as collateral against a 5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Mercedes Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Four weeks later, the maasai returns, repays the 5,000 and the interest, which comes to 150.41.

The loan officer says 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business & this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out & found that you are a multi millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow 5,000 The Masai man replies: 'Where else in NAIROBI can I park my car four weeks for only 150.41 and expect it to be there when I return.

[gs joe 1,780]

World Cup 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

No sense of humor... just no sense of humor at all.

[BigusDicus 9,881]

I heard climate change activists tried to deface a Jackson Pollock painting by throwing paint on it. 

 

Trouble is... nobody noticed it for three weeks.

[Bushcraft 2,591]

Shock announcement, the health & safety people in the UK have proposed that all men aged 16 or over should be compelled to attach a warning sticker to their scrotum: May contain nuts! 

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[keyman 1,413]

On 11/26/2022 at 6:21 AM, Bushcraft said:

Shock announcement, the health & safety people in the UK have proposed that all men aged 16 or over should be compelled to attach a warning sticker to their scrotum: May contain nuts! 

 

?

[gs joe 1,780]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

 

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

 

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

 

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

 

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

 

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

 

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

 

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

Yeah, I know I'm probably going to Hell...

[gs joe 1,780]

[maipenrai 476]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

[gs joe 1,780]

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

Parenting Expert:  "Children model the behaviour they see".

My Mother:   "False, they see me clean, but they do not clean"

[gs joe 1,780]

[Shooter 864]

As a cat owner I approve of the above message.  ?

[BigusDicus 9,881]

[BigusDicus 9,881]