Worst ever cracker joke?

[teelack]

On Christmas day we did the normal things and this includes popping lots of crackers. My pretty smart grand daughter gets to read out the jokes and sees this as one of the fun parts of the celebration. There was one however that stopped us all short and the little one asked for help. You decide if this isn't the worst cracker joke ever.

 

Q. Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says "I've lost my electron"

The other says "Are you sure?"

 

A. The first replies"Yes, I'm positive."

 

[atlas2]

Oh no it isn't !

[tallguy]

I quite like it. Maybe requires a bit of thought and some basic chemistry / science. Not as cringingly obvious as most cracker jokes.

Edited December 27, 2014 by tallguy

[atlas2]

I quite like it. Maybe requires a bit of thought and some basic physics. Not as cringingly obvious as most cracker jokes.

 

Oh yes it is!

[tallguy]

I think you're in the wrong thread MR Atlas. Have you seen the pantomime joke thread? 555

Edited December 27, 2014 by tallguy

[Chang_paarp]

Why do cows lie down when it rains?

 

 

To keep each udder dry.

 

Cringe-worthy from Christmas lunch.

Edited December 27, 2014 by Chang_paarp

[MM]

Okay, this use of the word "cracker" makes no sense to me as an American.

 

For us, a "cracker" is either an edible item such as this

OR a derogatory term used for mainly southern whites, probably coming from the sound of the whip wnen driving slaves back in the day.

 

Maybe our term for these constructs would be "stinker"...as in a very bad joke.

[atlas2]

Don't Americans pull anything over the Christmas turkey other than the wish-bone?

 

These crackers go crack when pulled. Whoever still has hold of the middle bit can search through its contents and find a cheap plastic gift…….Or if it's from Harrods….and expensive rolex. Also inside will be a dumb stinker of a joke.

 

But thank you for explaining why Blacks call whites Crackers……..In England it would just mean bonkers.

 

We also call a good looking woman a 'cracker'………Especially if we've managed to pull her.

Edited December 27, 2014 by atlas2

[jacko]

[Bushcraft]

Best cracker joke I ever saw was this:

Who made the first unsuccessful powered flight?

The Wrong brothers.

[atlas2]

Ok it also means a good joke.... Go figure!

[Chang_paarp]

Don't Americans pull anything over the Christmas turkey other than the wish-bone?

 

These crackers go crack when pulled. Whoever still has hold of the middle bit can search through its contents and find a cheap plastic gift…….Or if it's from Harrods….and expensive rolex. Also inside will be a dumb stinker of a joke.

 

But thank you for explaining why Blacks call whites Crackers……..In England it would just mean bonkers.

 

We also call a good looking woman a 'cracker'………Especially if we've managed to pull her.

 

You missed the cheesy paper hats that usually come in the cracker, it is wrapped around the paper with the joke/s and the even sillier plastic toy.

[MM]

Don't Americans pull anything over the Christmas turkey other than the wish-bone?

 

These crackers go crack when pulled. Whoever still has hold of the middle bit can search through its contents and find a cheap plastic gift…….Or if it's from Harrods….and expensive rolex. Also inside will be a dumb stinker of a joke.

 

But thank you for explaining why Blacks call whites Crackers……..In England it would just mean bonkers.

 

We also call a good looking woman a 'cracker'………Especially if we've managed to pull her.

 

Not ever heard or seen one of those crackers either.

 

Nor do I recall an American expression for a good looking woman as being a cracker.

 

I have to admit to sometimes being confused about what is an American slang term and what is UK/Irish, since I have been here mixing with the former Empire nationalities so long that it's all a jumble now.

 

But this term and the uses you mention are definitely new to me.

 

Do "knock, knock" jokes count as crackers?

[syd_tybil]

Don't Americans pull anything over the Christmas turkey other than the wish-bone?

 

These crackers go crack when pulled. Whoever still has hold of the middle bit can search through its contents and find a cheap plastic gift…….Or if it's from Harrods….and expensive rolex. Also inside will be a dumb stinker of a joke.

 

 

 

 

Not ever heard or seen one of those crackers either.

 

 

So that is what that was... I was eating Christmas dinner at the Sportsman on Soi 13 and they had some of those things, like the picture above, placed on the tables. I had no idea.

[teelack]

Don't Americans pull anything over the Christmas turkey other than the wish-bone?

 

These crackers go crack when pulled. Whoever still has hold of the middle bit can search through its contents and find a cheap plastic gift…….Or if it's from Harrods….and expensive rolex. Also inside will be a dumb stinker of a joke.

 

But thank you for explaining why Blacks call whites Crackers……..In England it would just mean bonkers.

 

We also call a good looking woman a 'cracker'………Especially if we've managed to pull her.

 

Thanks for explaining this Atlas and the picture. We did a count up prior to Christmas and found that we had almost 200 of the things as it is as traditional as plum pudding in my neck of the woods. Imagine the fortune to be made in the USA when someone gets around to launching them!

[MM]

Plum pudding?

 

 

Oh dear...carry on. I'll just watch and learn from now on.

[teelack]

Geez, dont tell me that the Americans don't eat Christmas Pudding as well and having never heard of Christmas Crackers? I will not be emigrating!

[atlas2]

I'm 62 and despite 'growing up in Smallville and Gotham City' I really didn't know that Xmas crackers were not a part of America's Christmas Day.

 

Live and learn and as Teelack says a business opportunity.

[Chang_paarp]

Plum pudding?

 

 

Oh dear...carry on. I'll just watch and learn from now on.

 

Look here:

 

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/fruit-recipes/my-nan-s-christmas-pud-with-vin-santo/

 

or here:

 

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1011/plum-pudding

 

They are served with brandy butter, and brought to the table after being doused with brandy or whiskey and set alight. My father liked to also add whipped cream which has rum or brandy mixed in with it.

[MM]

 

Look here:

 

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/fruit-recipes/my-nan-s-christmas-pud-with-vin-santo/

 

or here:

 

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1011/plum-pudding

 

They are served with brandy butter, and brought to the table after being doused with brandy or whiskey and set alight. My father liked to also add whipped cream which has rum or brandy mixed in with it.

 

I'm sure I'd love it!

[yselmike]

 

Not ever heard or seen one of those crackers either.

 

Nor do I recall an American expression for a good looking woman as being a cracker.

 

I have to admit to sometimes being confused about what is an American slang term and what is UK/Irish, since I have been here mixing with the former Empire nationalities so long that it's all a jumble now.

 

But this term and the uses you mention are definitely new to me.

 

Do "knock, knock" jokes count as crackers?

knock knock jokes are bonkers

[MM]

knock knock jokes are bonkers

Oh blazes...I'm not even going there!

[teelack]

Just to add to the plum pudding saga. When I was at school it was traditional to serve Plum Pudding at the end of the year meal. These always had coins wrapped in grease proof paper. Making the pudding at home and adding the coins was alsoa great tradition. As far as I am aware no one choked on them but I guess it must have happened.

[atlas2]

We were poor! We couldn't even afford tinsel……We used to set granddad up next to the tree and wait for him to sneeze!

[Chang_paarp]

Just to add to the plum pudding saga. When I was at school it was traditional to serve Plum Pudding at the end of the year meal. These always had coins wrapped in grease proof paper. Making the pudding at home and adding the coins was alsoa great tradition. As far as I am aware no one choked on them but I guess it must have happened.

 

One of the reasons my family stopped using coins in the plum pudding was when they changed the make-up of the coins, the newer coins (nickel based rather than silver based) were not suitable for cooking, they could affect the taste of the pudding. The grandmother kept a collection of older coins for a number of years to keep the tradition. Never heard of wrapping them in grease proof paper. We were told there were coins in the pudding and not to swallow or choke on them.