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Greetings Monkeywatchers, a big showaddy crap to 2026, and welcome to another year of the Pattaya doom loop. Prices up, tourists down, bar girls older than the punters, stinking pigs everywhere, a 12 month a year rainy season and a no month a year high season. But otherwise okay. Well, the Christmas period in Pattaya was rudely interrupted by the arrival of a cruise liner carrying over 2500 people. Now as we all know, the main characteristic of these ships is that they tend to be populated by the most appalling scum that ever dragged their knuckles across the face of the planet and this one was clearly no exception. They went through the city like a plague of locusts eating, drinking and smashing anything they could lay their clammy hands on, and left the place looking like a building site. Well okay, it looked like a building site before they arrived but that’s no excuse for their excremental behaviour. Makes you appreciate how well the regular tourists behave. No, hang on a minute… Pattaya’s new smart pedestrian crossing didn’t get off to a great start when the mayor was nearly hit by a truck that failed to stop at the red light. The truck driver said he saw the lights but thought they were advertising something. Polish Airlines has massively increased the number of its flights to Thailand so we can expect to see an increase in pole dancing in the not too distant future. Well it’s an improvement on bouncing turbans. This sign must have been inspired by the opening titles of Fawlty Towers… The local authorities have come up with a solution to complaints about the bad air quality on Beach Road. They’ve removed the air pollution monitor. There you go, job done. A 14 year old Thai lad riding a motorcycle had a bit of a surprise when a low hanging internet cable wrapped itself round his neck and pulled him off his bike, which then careered into a grilled chicken shop. The boy was only slightly hurt but the grilled chickens were decimated. Strangely, nobody seems to have noticed that the boy was too young to ride a motorcycle anyway. There’s no bloody justice. A Thai bloke had to be rescued by authorities after he drove his car onto a railway track and squashed a cat. When asked to explain his behaviour he tried to blame it on the cat but the onlookers generally agreed that the more likely explanation was the fact that he was pissed out of his mind. The latest batch of quality tourists have just been dropped off on Beach Road… Bar news now, and Penthouse A Go Go has reached the end of the road. Funny that, as it started out somewhere in the middle. Anyway, it’s now reopened as Big Banana Club so you’ll probably have to enter via the back passage. The old Secrets premises is to reopen once again, this time as Rio Gentlemen’s Club. We also have a new arrival on LK Metro going by the name of Privacy Club, possibly indicative of the number of customers they’re likely to get. Soi Diamond has a new club called Dreams Fantasy 1 which is situated in the old Heaven Above premises. A new rooftop gentlemen’s club is apparently on the way. It’ll be on the top floor of a hotel and is to be named The Flying Club so it’s probably a good idea to keep looking upwards if you’re walking past the place. A family living in Nongprue were somewhat surprised when a car ploughed into their house and smashed its way into the bathroom area. The house owner said was woken by a massive bang but couldn’t get out of his bedroom because a car was blocking the door. He went on to say that he’d lived there for 15 years and had never experienced anything like this before. Strangely, neither had any of his neighbours. Look forward to the past now as we revisit some unlikely tales from Monkeywatch in January 2016… “In a surprise move, Pattaya and Bangkok police carried out raids on two Ruskie Go Go Bars last week, resulting in the arrest of several dancers and punters. The owner of one of the bars, a Mr Lucky Lucianovich, protested that he was a legitimate businessman and demanded to know why the police were arresting his ballerinas and art loving clientele. He added that he would be complaining to the Minister for Culture until police informed him that the Minister had been found hiding under a table during the raid on the other bar. A chap was arrested by Pattaya police last Friday after being caught stealing women’s underwear from a washing line. When questioned, he claimed his name was Arnold Layne and he’d been planning to take a trip on the Trans-Siberian Express but didn’t have anything to wear. He apologised for his actions and said he’ll now go on the normal Siberian Express instead. Bali Hai was in the news yet again the other Wednesday when one of the Koh Larn ferries was incinerated in a mystery blaze while moored in the port. Unusually for a Koh Larn ferry, it didn’t actually sink – it just set fire to two other Koh Larn ferries that both sank instead. The following Wednesday, the Chief of Banglamung District turned up at Bali Hai to launch the New Year Marine Safety Campaign for Pattaya. Yeah, right. One thing the campaign will focus on is checks on the use of life jackets. One suspects that they may be used quite a lot.” Rumour is that the more affluent Indian tourists are beginning to arrive… It’s been confirmed that a man in Jomtien threatened tourists with a knife after it was incorrectly reported that he’d threatened them with a jelly. That’s Google Translate for you. Pattaya is to add 200 more CCTV cameras to its surveillance system. When asked if this would help to reduce crime, an official said “No, but it’ll give us loads more stuff to put on TikTok.” Finally, a Belgian man was seriously injured after falling from the 7th floor of a Pattaya hotel. A witness said the man seemed to have been knocked off his balcony by a Chinese man who’d fallen from the 12th floor. Looks like synchronised plummeting could be this year’s thing. be seeing you monkeyman

Upgrade has been completed. Please let me know if you see any issues. I am sure there will be some - this was a huge update. I may need to re-vamp the theme as well! --Frosty

These wonderful insults are from a bygone era before the English language of detestation got boiled down to loathsome, vile, four-letter words: 1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr 2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill 3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow 4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) 5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) 6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas 7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain 8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde 9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill 10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response 11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop 12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright 13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb 14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson 15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating 16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker 17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain 18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West 19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde 20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder 22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx 23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln 25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard 26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed 27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell God save the King's English... the most expressive use of language known to humankind.

A fair few classics at the Asia hotel. Some of the previous exhibits are not there today.

This is a 1949 Ford F1 pickup truck, part of the first generation of Ford's F-Series. It features a distinctive patina finish, showcasing natural rust and wear over time. The first-generation F-Series ran from 1948-1952 and was the first F-series model produced after World War II. The 1949 model year removed the red pinstripes from the silver painted grille bars that were present on the 1948 models. These trucks were typically powered by either a flathead inline-six or V8 engine and did not have an automatic transmission option.

Attempt 1 failed haha. Server is back up for now. Going to try this again tomorrow - or over the weekend, after researching the issue that popped up. Will update here as soon as I start the process. --Frosty

Well there's a case of biting off what you can chew! Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

Common misconception. Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

Runway does appear to have moved a little more upmarket recently.

Hi Guys, Got a fairly strongly worded email informing me that my neglect of updating Pattayatalk needs to come to an end (haha). Its quite a bit behind in its security updates, so I am going to do a massive update today. With any luck at all the downtime if any will be minimal, but this update also moves us from PHP 7 to PHP 8.3, which is a huge jump... so I expect things to break. Once the site is back up I will post again here - and if you see anything broken, please yell out! --Frosty

A cut about the rest. Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

My memory isn't that good either! Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

The International Kite Festival in Pattaya is scheduled for February 26 to March 2, 2026. The Muslim Food Festival is taking place today. I am not sure which festival the array of kites are today. There are food stalls on Beach Road. There are a few photographs at the end, however the food is not dissimilar to that on offer at the Fireworks Festival or in the Naklua Walk and Eat event.

I agree there were not as many exhibits as the previous year. Overall I enjoyed the day. I did manage to secure entry before the public were allowed to enter, which was a big advantage. I left round about 1400 hours so I may have missed some late arrivals . The rest of mine are on https://forums.pattayatalk.com/topic/73046-bangkok-expo-motor-show-plus-previous-motor-shows/page/4/#findComment-1340028 (I am just waiting for the moderators to update the title.)

Greetings all, Is Pattaya Secrets still around? Can’t seem to find the web site or the club itself. Years ago, I remember this place was a must when visiting Pattaya.

Hmmm...

Thanks Jacko. Who was the owner and where did he go?

Going to start working on this again now guys... might be some ... weirdness as I incrementally update all of the different packages to try to bring things up to date. Will try not to break anything too badly 🙂

" Whether this causes a problem is at the discretion of the ground staff. " Bruce has it here and its a shame because of the uncertainty . ANA fused my first and middle names on my tickets for 12 years. I kept expecting a problem but never was one on that issue. However at check-in at Dulles the agent refused boarding because I had no onward ticket. After a few tense minutes a senior staff arrived understanding what a Retirement Visa was and cleared. Maybe have a chat with Eva?. As always with anything to do with travel have a plan b.

Whilst the rain did not materialise, it does look clearer today.

Yet again you started my day with a smile, a chuckle and renewed doubt about ever setting foot in Pattaya again! [emoji39] Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

Yeah! We can all go ชักว่าว (chak wow) on the beach!

I think you are correct; I had a walk through this afternoon. It is fairly different to the normal food stalls/markets.

Taken 1400 today.

Replying in this topic to avoid going too far astray in @la8rat's topic. This time of year we'll have more bad air days than good due to meteorological conditions that will vary day by day. This morning was particularly bad because we had a slight overcast which prevented the sun from heating up the landmass and breaking through the nighttime inversion layer. Below is a C&P of a post I made on another forum as to why see more bad air days in the cooler winter months. The reason why rain, or any silly attempt by the govt to spray the air with water, doesn't do much to alleviate the air pollution this time of year... As we enter into the cooler "winter" months, the winds shift to predominantly offshore winds which in turns means we see less of the cleaner air over the ocean and more of the air pollution from the industrial estates around Pattaya. To add to the fun, later in December we'll have to contend with the winter inversion layer which traps all the gunk in the air closer to the ground. It's the industrial estate pollution that is the primary source air pollution around here rather than farmers burning their fields.

I don't suppose that there is any questions that you can ask or can't ask on this forum. I also guess that you are only asking for opinions but... Its quite rare to get questions that require very specialised replies. The vast majority of people here don't even live in Thailand. It's rather like asking a legal question of a non law professional. I wish you the best of luck but I think that there are much more appropriate places than Pattayatalk for this sort of question. Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

About as far as I get every night. Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

Probably not this fella, though....

I lived in this town for 8 years when I worked in the gemstone industry. Chanthaburi has one of the largest gemstone markets in the world, so the town has an international business presence, yet very few tourists visit here. The language barrier is a burden, but people are more 'down to earth'. One welcome new addition since my last visit is Central Mall. There's a beer garden with live music, I'm going there tomorrow to see Pixxie, will post an update, other nights I hang out at the Koff House. Despite few farang living here, you'll see Santa and Christmas trees everywhere at this time of year. Merry Christmas!

Pattaya - Yes International - Several falang competitors so, arguably, yes Bikini - Not for all competitors (thankfully!) Beach - Yes Race - Yes, theoretically, but not for many of the participants! I stood on the beach opposite Klang. The race was supposed to start at 5:30pm from outside of Central Pattaya (formerly known as Central Festival) but didn't until about 5:50pm. I wonder if they were waiting for the sun to fall below the horizon so as not to shine directly into the lenses of the professional photographers who had set up to do their work. A bunch of people started off with the obvious intention of taking part in a race. For many behind them, it mutated into a photo op! I hope these few pics give a flavour of the event.

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they arrive, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on a duck. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!” The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who without missing a beat, brings with him another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on: Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?” The guy says, “I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

The perfect woman is hard to find! Sent from my CPH2669 using Tapatalk

Beatles or Sugar Hill Gang?

I have bought myself a new car from Thailand. It runs superbly and is wonderfully beautiful. In general, I think that Thai cars are far more attractive than cars from my home country, Denmark. Moreover, I must admit that I would never have been able to acquire a Danish car at this level – and certainly not one as new as the one I imported from Thailand. In fact, I had never had any luck with Danish cars. In my nearly fifty-year life, I have owned only a few, and those I did own, I was only able to keep for a short time. Among my friends and acquaintances, I had developed a reputation for not being interested in cars. When I drive around in my fine, new vehicle on Danish roads, I have noticed that some people look at me strangely. They say to each other, “There must be something wrong with him, since he had to go all the way to Thailand to find a car. He probably couldn’t manage to get a Danish car. Perhaps his Thai car was previously a loaner that many others have also driven.” At work, I also experience a bit of teasing. My colleagues make remarks about how cheap Thai cars are, and what one can do with them for small money. I have, however, learned to ignore all these more or less malicious comments. For I have a far better car than my Danish colleagues. Today's Danish cars are not particularly reliable. If a Danish car decides to go left, it goes left – even if you have turned the steering wheel to the right or pressed the brake. That’s not the case with Thai cars – they go in the direction you steer, stop when you hit the brakes, and roar off when you floor the accelerator. Before I bought my new Thai car, I had been on vacation in Thailand several times, where I rented various motor vehicles to drive around in. They were all newer models with fantastic driving characteristics. Every time, it was a sorrowful day for me when I had to go back home. Back in Denmark, I always felt a sense of loss. Even though I had a house with a garden and a good job, it was as if something was missing to make life complete. Everyday life seemed empty and devoid of content. That was when the idea occurred to me that I should buy a Thai car and bring it back home. On the internet, I found a catalog – a database – with photos of many different Thai vehicles. Next to the pictures, there were various details, such as the age and whether a trailer came with the individual cars. One vehicle was more beautiful than the other, so it was hard to decide. After some time and various considerations, I eventually settled on a model that suited my taste. I got in touch with the dealer, and we agreed that I should come to Thailand to see the car. The next time I had a vacation, I went to Thailand to see the car. I was immediately enthusiastic; in real life, the car was even more beautiful than in the pictures. After a few days, when I was also allowed to test drive the car, I had no doubt. This beautiful car would henceforth be a part of my life. The purchase agreement was concluded and the proper documents signed. However, I couldn’t immediately bring my new car home to Denmark. The Danish authorities are terribly bureaucratic and troublesome. But after a while, the import paperwork was sorted out, and the car was sent to Denmark by plane, where I received it on a rainy – yet still wonderful – autumn day at the Airport. Along with the car came a small red trailer. However, I was not able to bring it along to Denmark with the car. But now it appears that the paperwork for the trailer is also being finalized. When that happens, it will arrive by plane, and my car and I will pick it up at the airport. Although a Thai car is relatively inexpensive in terms of fuel consumption, owning such an exotic vehicle is not without its expenses. In order to prevent my car from burdening the Danish taxpayers, the Danish authorities have required a bank guarantee for an astronomical amount in case the vehicle becomes involved in a traffic accident. Additionally, I send money every month to Thailand as installments to the dealer. Nevertheless, I feel that this car purchase has been the best decision of my life. I have not regretted it. And when this car is no longer new and beautiful, I will dispose of it. Then I will go to Thailand again – and get myself another superb car. © Maik Jensen