monkeyman

Brits don't have ID cards (yet).

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another cracking crackdown crackerjack of a time in No Fun City. Yes, the boys in brown have been on a rampage round the bars yet again in a further attempt to rid Pattaya of the scourge of tourism. A police spokesman said that they took the tourist threat very seriously and were making steady progress towards locating the notorious tourist group, Alky-Idiots, and their charismatic leader, Osingha bin Lager, who is believed to be holed up in a place known as The Cave. The spokesman added that the police were committed to preventing a repeat of

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tales from the land of wallies and vomit. We begin with the unusual story of the Welshman who died at Llandough Hospital in Wales just weeks after being stung by a scorpion in a Thai jungle. The moral of this story is that you’re safer in a Thai jungle than a British hospital. And none of the newspapers reported the scorpion’s side of the story either. Typical media bias. The police have finally owned up to the fact that they’ve got absolutely no way of stopping freelancers from congregating on Beach Road, and have admitted that they’ve r

Aw, c'mon, the place is a bloody dump.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our special ‘even wetter than Songkran’ edition (cos it’s bloody pissing down outside). The big drama of the last few weeks took place in the Boyztown area when one of the more prominent gay bars caught fire, attracting rubbernecking sightseers in the sort of numbers usually only seen outside Galaxy Cabaret. There were no serious casualties, though their chef complained that the fire had burned him on the arse and ruined his mince. In a bid to help us all sleep soundly in our beds, the Thai government has announced that liquids over 100ml

I reckon global warming's to blame.

Since I posted this, I've found out that the problems were caused by them getting my email address slightly wrong. After we established this, the confirmation, transaction and documentation were completed in less than an hour. Methinks I judged them too harshly and will use them again.

If you're thinking of trying Ours Travel as an alternative, I've been trying for over a week to get a confirmation from them. They've always been very reliable in the past, but I'm not the only one to note that their service has taken a turn for the worse.

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another plunge into the pool of pithy prose that pervades the peripheries of Pattaya. Er, sorry about that – desperate for a ‘p’. Well, the boys in brown have been embarking in another public relations exercise with a series of raids on bars in South Pattaya. Assistant district chief ‘Pongo’ Pitajinan claimed that the action was as a result of them getting complaints from tourists that many bars were operating without licences and employing underage staff. It’s gratifying to know that the police recognise the huge importance that the average tourist

Probably not. I've never tried Economy but it doesn't look significantly inferior to Elite, which isn't a patch on the old Evergreen Deluxe. Okay, Elite gives you a few extra inches on seat pitch, better choice of movies and a bigger screen, but it's usually fully booked, whereas Economy is often half empty so you can actually end up with more room. I'd save the money and put it towards a Premium Laurel ticket for your next trip. PL is very nice if you're prepared to spend the dosh.

Scraping the bottom of the bin.

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our 13th edition, so if you’re superstitious perhaps you’d better not read it. Come to think of it, you’re probably better off not reading it anyway. On May 1, the annual Crocodile Egg Eating Competition took place at the Pattaya Crocodile Farm, which involves contestants trying to be the fastest to eat 10 eggs. The competition was won by a Thai tourist, who collected a handsome prize of 10,000 baht. This was shortly followed by an unscheduled tourist eating competition after several crocodiles escaped from their pens and ran amok. The head keeper

One thing to be wary of is that they've just started building some new condos in Soi 1 very close to the end of Sabai Wing that faces Beach Road. There may be some noise issues for the whole hotel for a while.

I think it was when Prince Charles had a puncture and nipped into a motorway cafe for a quick cheeseburger.

Absolutely no joiner fee. It'd be a little difficult for them to pretend to disapprove of mongering when they own a massage joint just round the corner.

This is getting like Alias Smith And Jones.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this, our first anniversary edition. Yes, we’re still around after a whole year, so that bookie up the road owes us a shitload of money. Hot topic of the moment is that a court has declared the new View Talay 7 project to be illegal, as buildings over 14 metres in height cannot be constructed within 200 metres of the sea. However, the construction company, Dongtan Erections, claim that they are complying with the law as they only work on the building when the tide is out. It’s being suggested in some quarters that bar owners might consider makin

NO!!!!!

Last I heard was that it was going to be an indoor event at Jomtien this year.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the next leg of our voyage to the bottom of the barrel. As a result of the unscheduled fireworks display in Bangkok over New Year, the United States Embassy have presented Pattaya police with a set of bomb blankets. The Chief of Police apparently thanked them but pointed out that, in Pattaya’s climate, the bombs were unlikely to get cold enough to need them. Talking of bombs, there was another story in one of the newspapers about a fake bomb being planted near a Thai Petroleum storage depot at Laem Chabang. They later had to print a correction

The description fits the Dusit except that their rooms do have safes.

You mean she'd help you to write crap songs?

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our tenth odyssey into the myth and folklore that surrounds the Land Of Nudge and Wink. Well, the big story just after New Year was the bomb scare on North Pattaya Road caused by the hapless loon whose car exploded after he fitted it with an LPG fuel system to save money. In an attempt to retrieve the situation, he said that the car had never experienced any problems until it blew up, but the general consensus from those present was that they’d sooner buy a used car from Richard Nixon. There’s been a reprieve for Brits flying to Thailand on Bri

No probs from a musical point of view, but it doesn't do a whole lot for the girls dance-wise, as can be witnessed at Tim Bar.